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Step out of the box, don’t let the fear of people keep you from your destiny! GOD has approved you. VALIDATION ADDICTION
Being addicted to others approval, has harmful impacts on mental health, relationships, and self-esteem. I can be the first to admit that I have struggled with desiring all too often to be liked and approved by people. There has to be a deep sense of knowing who we are despite if other people validate you. The issue with our society, is that we all are seeking to be approved by the wrong audience. God wants us to follow him, not the trends of the ever-changing world. If you base your decisions and life on what other people think of you, it will cause you to walk someone else’s path. What God has for you may be unique, uncomfortable and different than the social norms.
“Are you sacrificing who you are because you’re addicted to approval, worried about what everyone thinks?” -Joel Osteen
Signs of Approval Seeking Behavior (Sourced: Choosing Therapy.com)
- You struggle to form your own opinions
- You have trouble saying no
- You apologize too much
- Low self-esteem
- Constantly putting others needs above your own
- You go along to get along
- You feel anxious about what other people think of you
- You attempt to control others
- You try and present yourself in the best possible light
- You are terrified of rejection
Let me tell you friend, we can take advice, listen to wise counsel, and learn from others, but don’t take it to heart so deeply; that you ignore what you know deep down. We all have insecurities, and we need to learn how to silence the noise of others. We don’t wallow in pity and tear ourselves down based on our weaknesses. These perfect images, lives, and stories are what people want you to see about their lives. Don’t take social media to heart, and compare your life to others. Each person has a timing for their life. My timing is not the same as yours, my growth rate also will be different from yours.
Sometimes you have to do it alone. There are paths you will walk alone, and may not have the support or approval from others. Many times, that is just a distraction that will paralyze you from moving forward. The doors of opportunity, are not open to everyone; some doors are only for you. The Bible is also clear about not seeking people to approve what God has put in your heart. “Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men.” (Acts 5:29 KJV). People will always love you when you stay in the metaphorical box that they put you in. You cannot control anyone’s mind and thoughts about you.
How to overcome Validation Addiction (Sourced: Choosing Therapy.com)
- Go with God. (Led by the spirit of God)
- Be more assertive. (Practice expressing yourself better)
- Learn to set boundaries. (No, is a powerful word)
- Seek approval from yourself first. (your values, beliefs, moral code, intuition)
- Limit social media exposure. (Take breaks regularly)
- Learn self love. (journaling, affirmations, healing)
Listen to the voice within. God has called each of us to certain things. There are people needing you to walk in your uniqueness and live your truth! They will need the words of wisdom, your personal accounts, testaments of faith, and your help. We can impact lives greater when we are our true selves. You are not a clone, there is one you! Take the high road, live with integrity.
Some of you have deleted content that was pure gold, because you worried if people would agree or like it! Many people who are creatives, they get caught up in what is trending, what sells: therefore they dilute their work to fit society. God gives us messages to share, and sometimes they are hard to say. We cannot water down the message, or filter it to fit social norms. Break out of the mold, some people will not approve you anyway. God is the one we should be living for, and audience of one. Hold your head up, you are special and loved! Your true identity is found in the creator that made you! You are not just another number. I challenge you to get in God’s word and see what he has to say!
Let me help you here are some affirmations from he word of God:
5 Scriptures That Define Your Worth:
- You are beautiful. (Psalm 45:11)
- You are lovely. (Daniel 12:3)
- You are loved. (Jeremiah 31:3)
- You are special. (Ephesians 2:10)
- You are chosen. (John 15:16)
I am learning to appreciate ME! This is me, no makeup, flaws and all. STOP 🛑 Living for LIKES, COMMENTS, APPROVAL!! I know it’s hard but WE can do it! Let’s be authentic and genuine!
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Hi, it’s me Shiloh Rose 🌹 Good morning, or maybe it’s good afternoon! Wherever you are tuning in from. First, I hope your day is going well, if not hold on, this too shall pass! I am laying in bed listening to the birds, my husband snoring and the cars that are passing by, outside my home. It’s another day. I feel grateful.
I have been blogging for one year now, and it’s been on my heart to say THANK YOU! I want to shoutout my small but mighty followers! I appreciate the support and kind words. Thanks for taking time out to read my blog! I know there are some of you who only read or comment for the reciprocity and that’s okay too! It’s so important to share. When we share we are showing up for ourselves and others!
When I started this blog, I wasn’t sure that anyone would connect with my thoughts. Perhaps it was just ramblings of a mad woman lol! 😂 I have always been a reflective and deeply emotional person. When I started writing as a child, it felt wonderful to have a place to express myself. This blog gave me a window to the world, I never knew I needed! I have learned from you guys, laughed, cried and truly connected to your stories. Writing comes in so many forms, I used to write fictional stories, I have stepped away from that.
When I started blogging, I almost felt a sort of betrayal to my younger self. She wanted so badly to just write a fictional story and have it published. However, life has taken me through unimaginable situations and I had to start sharing those truths! I could no longer hide behind my safe, pretty stories. I had to emerge from the shadows and be a beacon of hope. Yes, you can go through abuse, rejection, abandonment, heartbreak, depression, anxiety, trauma and still have a voice! You can refuse to be silenced by the darkness.
There is a part of me that still wants to write that fiction book, but my heart tells me this is the important work. The journey of healing, through what I have always found solace in: writing. My words have transformed into a map, the path to a new beginning. When you go through extreme trauma, one of the main responses is to retreat into oneself. The shame of sins you didn’t commit becomes like a scarlet letter. The process of sharing personal experiences has been a struggle. There is the wounded part of me that wants to isolate and conceal.
However, the Lord has given me an opportunity to turn pain into purpose. I began to realize that I must share. I testify of his faithfulness in world full of chaos. I know that there is still beauty in this life. This blog has been a blessing to me. I appreciate all of you! I hope that I can continue to inspire your hearts!
Thank you, and for those who are unauthentic: I hope you learn to be better. Don’t comment or like someone’s writing or posts for your own gain. Try and be genuine and the followers will come! There are enough plastic people in the world.
Yesterday’s beauty right in my own yard! “I feel like my story just proves how important not only social media is, but how important it is to be your authentic self. Because when you’re really truly your authentic self, the right people will find you. And when they find you, it will be for exactly who you are.”
All images are mine.
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Do you have a quote you live your life by or think of often?
“I would have fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” (Psalm 27:13 KJV)
My Roses are back! This is one of God’s goodness! This entire Psalm is truly a bold declaration of faith. It has been a prayer for me many times! This verse in particular, the dramatic nature of it truly resonates with me. I had fainted, (Lose consciousness; weak and dizzy) Many reference this to meaning faint of heart so to speak, and that means something is too intense for someone to handle. Also could mean lack of courage. When I think of these statements I think of being unable to bear the weight of something heavy in our lives. There are many circumstances that can put us in this state of mind.
If we watch the news and listen to the chatter of social media, it will be easy to feed into fear and worry. There are rumors of food and supplies shortages about to take place in the US. The climate change, and economic difficulties all over the world. What if it is true? Will we start panicking? What will we stand upon in the days of trouble? David says in this Psalm, that the Lord is who he will be relying on. Sometimes we have to take a stand, and declare that we will stay in faith regardless of what it looks like.
The thing about faith in God it takes great courage, because oftentimes we cannot see anything happening externally. We have checked off our little do-gooder list and yet there seems to be no response from God. This is where this verse has shown up in my life. I have had to wait out some uncomfortable situations, without losing hope completely because I know the character of God. That is the same for David he knows that his faith must be stronger than his doubts, fears, or external circumstances.
Pexels Library (Plant seeds of faith and watch them grow) What is faith anyway? “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things unseen.” (Hebrews 11:1 NKJV). In short, faith is the belief that what is unseen is still worth believing in because that is the basis of our walk with God. He is an unseen God, and we choose to believe the testimonies and the ancient texts of faith. The essence of believing without necessarily seeing. Everyone is born with a measure of faith and that faith must be grown like these little seeds pictured above.
“Faith comes by hearing, and hearing comes by hearing the word of God.” (Romans 10:17 NKJV). Our faith gets stronger when we meditate, pray and put into practice what we have learned. Then when a believer has been indwelled by the Holy Spirit, they are able to have a deeper belief in who God. The Holy Spirit testifies who God is to our inner knowing. The Holy Spirit is our helper and guide, but different from our human spirit and intuition. Our intuition is based on the natural, while the Holy Spirit is a supernatural being.
Pexels Library Suffering can have many different causes: and none of us are exempt from it.
These are some of the forms of suffering: Satanic attacks, sinful disobedience against God, consequences of sin, persecution from unbelievers, and pruning from God. As Christian’s we believe that suffering has purpose, I also believe that other religions also see suffering as a model for growth. “We grow through, what we go through.” It’s is a belief that a believer in Jesus, suffers for the glory of God, just as he did. David understood that he would go through hardships, but they could be weighed against the goodness of God. He declared that every time God’s goodness trumps all these things, regardless of the kind of suffering.
Pexels Library The weight of our burdens can often feel like the picture above, it’s heavy and we are in need of a spotter. We need someone to help us bear the weight, in case our arms give out as we are pushing it away from us. Can the guy lift the weights alone? It is possible, yet dangerous. The same goes for our daily lives, we need God and each other to assist us in carrying the tough burdens. We don’t want to risk fainting and loosing our grip. David felt the weight of life, pressing him down and yet he chose to declare God’s goodness and faithfulness anyway! Jesus said “Come to me all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28 ESV).
Jesus wants to meet us in the weary, heavy, tired, and say: “Let me help.”
It’s as if he is standing over you, with each lift and helping you hold that bar up one more time. Just one more day, one foot before the other; each step harder than the last. We feel our strength failing and right before we drop it, we cry out for help! It’s too much, I cannot do this alone! The good news of the gospel is that we don’t have to. Jesus is our strength. He gives us what we need to carry on.
“I had fainted unless I believed to see the goodness of the Lord, in the land of the living.” Psalm 21:13
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There is something so comforting about someone seeing the real, unique you. This kind of person sees beyond just the words that you say. It’s like they can hear the non-verbal banter between your heart and mind. How grateful I have been to have met people like this in my life. What a relief it is to not always have to verbally explain what is going on in your life. The greatest interactions are often quiet, gentle, and calm. They can just sit there next to you and say nothing at all.
Pexels Free Library Then maybe a hug or a brief touch but the silence is all that is necessary. Many people feel the silence with empty words, promises and just plain chatter! I cannot count the amount of times that I just wanted the noise to stop! I hate small talk, it’s either meaningful conversations or to simply coexist. I relish those warm, moments of unconditional love. A great gift is someone that can interpret your body language and know when to speak.
I hope this kind of love has found you. Even if it is just friendly, and simple. Romantic love is beautiful, but there are many types of love out there and far less complicated. It’s like the kind that is between two best friends. How you know when they are about to call, or finish their sentences. That close bond, makes any hardship a little bit easier. I can remember those days, with my high school best friend, where we a sat and read our books quietly. I miss her dearly, life has taken us far apart. We let life get in the way of that close friendship.
However, I accept that our journeys are how they should be and we cannot hold too tightly to anyone. The part of being grateful for the special people in our lives, includes knowing when to let go if needed. True love, isn’t about control, and such is true in friendship. I don’t talk to her often anymore, but we know what we mean to one another. I pray she is happy and at peace. I am so thankful to the people that have came into my life at just the right time.
Have you ever had someone come up to you and give you just the right words? Life is truly connected. I am remembering to keep looking for those moments of reassurance, support, kindness. Not only am I looking for it, I have learned even more how to give it out! In meditation yesterday, the instructor said to think on one recent experience that made you feel good. As I gathered my thoughts I realized that each moment that I was referencing, included another person.
I say this to make the point that connection, is what we all crave. This world can make us want to disconnect, build a wall, and hide but we cannot forget our path. God’s design was for us to feel connected to the Earth, himself and most importantly each other! Don’t let darkness in others get inside of you, stay friendly and cheerful. You may not fit everywhere but on your path there will be divine connections awaiting. Cherish them, allow them to grow you, and open your heart. Happy Reading!
Photo I took from a museum: “The Painter” What do you see when you look at the artist in this photo above?
*I notice that the colors on his palette are the same colors all around him. As if he is painting his world.
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I had to reshare this special chance encounter because today is the 8 year anniversary of when I met, who I believe was an angel! Happy Reading!
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Pexels Free Library I love the story of the prodigal son, in Luke 15. It’s a a familiar story and as I read it this morning, I was moved like I read it for the first time. This younger son asked for his inheritance early, and went away from home. As you know, he wastes all his money and sits in his shame for a while. Who knows how long he has waited there, far away from home: starving, isolated, and heavy with regret. His head knows that his Father is wealthy, but he thinks that the Father will be angry.
There he continues to be in lack, and trying to fix it by finding a job amongst the pig farmers. His resources are spent and there is a famine in the country that he has ran off to, what now? He is literally starving, working amongst filthy pigs, and no one has even noticed his plight. How lonely it is to be caught up in sin, shame and guilt!
That is Satan’s greatest tactic, to make us feel like our head knowledge is greater than what our heart knows. This younger man knows his Father will love him no matter what, he knows in his heart he should go home and admit his failures to a loving Father. I can imagine the people he is working with, are also discouraging him because Lord knows Satan will us those closest to you to instill doubt in the love God has for you. They will remind you of your every failure and watch you suffer. Christians do this to other Christians! Casting condemnation, as if it is ours to give!
In our hearts, when we have truly met with a loving, gracious, and forgiving God, we should know what his response will be. It’s the same, just as this Father and his son in the story. When the young man went home, he had planned to beg his Father’s forgiveness, and ask to work as a hired hand! He expects his own family to shame him! How many times have we ourselves went to enter back into God’s arms expecting: rejection, punishment, and to be turned away? Religion serves a God of constant demands, punishment, hostility and abandonment. Jesus, has arms open wide, just as the Father in this parable. The son came home and was greeted with joy and celebration, in spite of his sin. Jesus hates sin, but he doesn’t reject us when we come with humble hearts. Come home.
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Image: Pexels Library The other morning, I woke up at 4am and I couldn’t seem to go back to sleep. I decided to go downstairs and watch a movie, my plan was to use the movie to relax me back into sleep. However the movie, I picked did not! It was called, “Bones of Crows” on Netflix. The movie was a heartbreaking epic, about the Canadian government trying to eradicate the culture of Indigenous people. The specific group targeted was the Cree Indians. Though the movie was fictionalized it still gave a look into the pain and suffering inflicted upon these people. We all know that Native Americans all over the USA were treated horribly.
The Cree Indians in Canada, were forced to send their children to Residential Schools, they were taken away from their families and many never saw their parents again. The Residential Schools were established in the late 1800s and the last known one was closed in 1997, that is over 160 years! It is believed that around 150,000 children were in place in them nationally. These children were subjected to sexual, physical, mental abuse, starvation, and disease. They were seen as a problem to the Euro-Canadian culture. America has dark history of wanting to force people to embrace their culture as the only right way. Even worse these schools were government funded but administered by the Christian church!
Photo from Google Images (Canadian Residential School) How my heart broke within me as I watched this movie, I had never heard of these schools. I am ashamed to be a Christian sometimes, because of the horror we have inflicted as a society, upon the lives of the innocent. GOD be merciful to us all, but if I am honest I want justice too! I love my country, and I am an American Christian. I can assure you the JESUS I serve was not the one these people taught about! They have made a mockery of what he represents! Jesus is LOVE! He does not condone these type of things! One of the sayings they had “Kill the Indian save, the man.” This sick slogan that was used as a racial slur to these precious souls. Their culture is who they are and to take that away to fit societal standards is wrong!
These schools promised to educate these children, to teach them how to work alongside Americans. They were supposed to be taught about Jesus, not forced to serve a God they didn’t understand! Jesus doesn’t force anyone to believe in him, he offers an invitation! They cut off their long, flowing, black hair and replaced it with buzz cuts and pixie cuts. An Indian’s hair is scared to them! They weren’t allowed to speak the language of their Fathers, however some held the language in their hearts.
Google Images: Residential Schools Canada The Indigenous people tried to speak up for their children, family members, but many were dismissed and or ignored. When the survivors became adults they began sharing their stories. They kept their hearts strong and they fought for all those lives lost. These beautiful children endured so much pain and sorrow, all for being born an Indian! Finally, after years of being ignored and silenced in 2008, after over 6500 testimonies came out a light was shone on the genocidal actions of the churches and previous governments. However all over the USA reports were coming in about abuse there too. Americans, we cannot continue to ignore generations of people and not hear their cries!
The aftermath of their suffering has left these people with scars and they need access to more mental health services. The new generations of their children need to know the important contributions of Indigenous People, they also need to know their history. Although America has began to shed a light on some of the events that took place in these schools, and offered to pay off the survivors and their families. However many are too scared to deal with the government, and how can we blame them?
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UNCOVERING THE PAST
In May 2021, archeologists found 200 unmarked graves at an old school in Canada and it brought more attention to what these people were already saying! These residential schools were torn down all over the US, but there is one that still stands in Saskatchewan. It is a reminder to a nation that would rather forget! “A three-story tombstone for generations of children, who died there.” (Anderson Cooper, CBS NEWS 2023). The scars of a nation, have caused many indigenous people to turn to substance abuse, anger, rage and violence. However, many have turned to the streets to march, storm upon the government, write letters, raise up a voice in the night and fight back!
PAINFUL STEREOTYPES AND NARRATIVES
We have seen it throughout all races of people, these harmful stereotypes have become ingrained in our culture. We have generations of people who are unaware of who they are and where they fit in society. Those who have strong sense of culture and who they are can lead more confident lives. Many of the indigenous people forsook their cultures out of fear that their children would face difficulties living in the modern world. “It is hard to identify as a First Nations person in mainstream Canadian society, when you carry this sense of shame and live surrounded by people who look down on you” (“Facing History & Ourselves, “Culture, Stereotypes, and Identity” 2019).
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HOW CAN WE SUPPORT INDIGENOUS PEOPLE?
I am challenged after watching this movie, reading the accounts, and articles to be a better human! I didn’t know about many of these issues, because I wasn’t taught. I desire to use my voice as a voice for those without one! I seek to represent Jesus well!
What we can do:
- Participate in Local Events
- Support the causes of these communities
- Raise awareness and advocate for their rights and issues
- Respect ALL human life, regardless if we understand or not.
- Share our privileges
- Learn about their culture and history
- Magnify their strengths not weaknesses
- Shop from Indigenous-founded businesses
- Watch our mouth
- Listen to their voices
- “Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15 ESV).
- Keep the conversation going speak up about injustices and share your empathy.
- Take action
In closing, I hope that I helped stir your hearts and emotions to think on these very important issues faced by these precious people. This movie was beautiful and it helped shine a light. We all have experienced different levels of suffering and injustices in some shape or form. Let’s learn to treat each other better! There are many wonderful Americans that have stepped in to help and contribute and we shouldn’t be discouraged but encouraged that we as a whole are growing up and learning to be better collectively. There is still much work to do! Blessings to you and Happy Reading!
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What makes you nervous?
There are a few things that make me nervous LOL!
- Public Speaking: I have never liked to be in front of a crowd but unfortunately life has called me out many times! Then apparently people think I am really good at speaking! What they don’t know is that I usually have butterflies in my stomach or that I feel a bit shaky and afraid.
- New Dr Appts: I get a bit anxious before a new doctor appt. It really started after I had a miscarriage, because I had no idea that would be the news that I would hear, at a 8 weeks ultrasound!
- Credit Card Decline: The stupid thing is it’s usually an error, and not even my fault but it still gets me every time! It’s just so embarrassing 🙈!!
These are the main things that I can think of in this moment. I will post a video of me speaking and see what you guys think! As always, Happy Reading!
ShilohRose77©️ All rights reserved. The video and or pictures are mine.
Mother’s Day 2016 This DAY was one of the GREATEST days of my life! I was a struggling single mother with one son, at the time he was four years old. My paid for car was totaled while parked! I couldn’t afford car payments so my next vehicle was repossessed after one missed payment which is highly unusual! (God works in mysterious ways!) Then a bout a year later this happened, I was given a brand new car by my church and from car lot that uses their advertisement money to bless people! GOD DOES AMAZING THINGS! I was scared and shaken, but God gave me courage. (The only downfall is the pastor said my name wrong). This church was home to about 3500 people!
God does the impossible, I hope that you will take my story and go and pray BIG prayers! I refused to buy another car during this season, I was determined to wait on God to show up and BOY did he ever!
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How do you unwind after a demanding day?
When we start to control our emotions and learn to quiet them. We must find rest, stillness, and sit in the silence. We have to be learners of quiet. The Bible has a lot to say about being quiet as well. The inner tranquility of the mind and heart is different than just being silent.
“and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one.”
1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 ESV
Photo from Free Photo Library Where do you go when you are searching for quiet? Do you imagine yourself next to a peaceful ocean and the only sound is that of crashing waves? Some people may prefer the peaceful mountaintops, to get away from the busyness of city life. These two places are wonderful and truly beautiful. However many of us are dealing with an unrest from the soul; not from our noisy homes or cities. This post is inspired by a sermon I heard today By Dr. Charles Stanley. He gave tips about how to get quiet and rest in God’s sovereignty.
Dr. Stanley ran a large church in Atlanta, Georgia, wrote books, travelled often, and served in many capacities. He knew well how busy and noisy life can get. In a particular time in his life he felt God’s call to quietness. One day in Bible study, he felt the Holy Spirit leading him to the above Scripture in Thessalonians. What we can glean from that passage is that we need to study to be quiet, in the midst of our busy lives.
How to Study Being Quiet
Photo from Free Photo Library - Inner Peace is achieved in many different ways, such as: mindfulness, patience, self-care, setting boundaries, etc. However one of the easiest ones are trusting in God’s love, care and sovereignty!
- Learn from introverted people! I thought this was truly special, quietness is a strength. Sometimes we cannot stand it but being quiet allows for better listening.
- Make time for quiet reflection and periods of silence.
- Work, share, laugh and live, but with a quiet calm about yourself. Choosing words carefully and speaking only when necessary.
Emotions play a great role in the “noise” that we hear from day to day. It’s usually what we are wrestling with at night when we go to bed. How often have we been unable to rest or sleep, due to anxiety, fear, shame, guilt, unforgiveness, worries, etc? I can be the first to raise my hand! As a person that has lived through extreme trauma, I get pretty restless at times. My emotions are like the crashing waves of the ocean. Gaining control means that we must be willing to give up control first.
“Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” (1 Peter 3:4 NIV)
We can be still and quiet on the exterior, and yet on the inside a storm rages on! The inner tranquility that we seek, must be practiced and when we can control our responses we are able to think better. A calm mind, can lead to hearing from God better and our own inner wisdom as well as intuition. I hope this week you take time for reflection, silencing the noise, and seek to be still. May we all find rest for our weary souls, be blessed and Happy Reading!
ShilohRose77©️
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