Mother of 5 beautiful children, friend of books, avid reader, bubble baths are life! I enjoy long walks and hiking, I seek adventure. Writing makes me a better person, I love to share my thoughts.
It’s funny how when you move to a new place you never really know what to expect! I have moved to somewhere that has a completely different climate than where I am from. It’s kind of driving me nuts, because it’s dark, gray, and much colder! I have never seen this much snow in my life! It has snowed at least once a week since like November! I can say, I do not love the cold but I must say the snow is exquisite. I feel like I am in a movie or something!
This season of life has been hard because when you make big life changes, it seems life hits you with bigger lessons! It seems as of late, I am confronted with who I want to become. I have be convicted by my own spirit, because I have become complacent. That’s when life hits you with some hard truths. We must continue to grow, learn, heal, adapt, because the person we desire to be requires work! I have learned that some people are not willing to put in that kind of effort. I think some just hide behind vices instead of confront what they already know.
What kind of God would give us wisdom, guidance, and teaching lessons and not expect us to change? That would be silly. That’s the thing, the trials and wrong turns are to teach us to rise above. We learn new methods to evolve. Sometimes the growing pains seem very unfair. Hey, if you are nodding your head to this just stick with me. God can often seem so unjust! There I said it, because I think we all experience moments of feeling like God has went blind. The turmoil in the US can make us all question GOD! But instead of shaking our fists we must hit our knees and ask what he is teaching us from these crazy circumstances.
“To appreciate the beauty of a snowflake, it is necessary to stand out in the cold.”
God gave us incredible resilience and determination. Unfortunately, we sharpen those skills in the middle of the battle. There will be loss, but we can decide how to accept the losses. That is the part that I keep tripping over on! I admit that I want to know what God is up to when it comes to my life! I know I have experienced the love, comfort, and peace of God. That’s why I continue to go back to prayer, the scriptures and worship. It’s something that was always inside of me. I always belonged to Him. These battles are tough, and I wonder if I am getting the upper hand? I will myself to trust his plan over and over. Does that make me foolish?
“The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.” -Winston Churchill
The snow was inspiring, it reminded me of new beginnings. I experience that because I took a risk, and trusted. Don’t mind me, I am just pre-gaming myself to take more risks! To make each day count for something! The snow was so inviting soft, pure, gentle, quiet. I laid down in a huge pile of snow and it felt so good. The moment reminded me that I still have so much life to experience! I admit that I have often let fear tell me outcomes that probably wont even happen. The big WHAT IF’s are always there when you want to embark on something new. WHAT IF it is going to work out just fine?
In my life right now, I have a predicament that I really want to resolve but have been so afraid of outcomes. I have allowed myself to become paralyzed by the wrong thinking. This is my way of giving myself a good pep talk! I use what I am going through to help relate to others. I share these stories in hopes, that you will breathe easier knowing you are not alone. This life can be so uncertain.
“If uncertainty is unacceptable to you, it turns to fear. If it is perfectly acceptable, it turns into increased aliveness, alertness, and creativity.” _Eckhart Tolle
The more that we resist the changes, the harder it becomes. I have stayed too long in this place. I think that my need for controlling outcomes has cost me dearly! Lord, please help me to keep moving forward. I do not want to miss out on great things based on assumptions. What brave step are you wanting to take in your own life? Is there something you are refusing to see? Or am I on an island of my own? I admit the more I reflect, on the journey it was in those risky moments that I often found myself in a really good place! Not all risks will pan out though, and we must learn to take one to the chin!
Is this just the babbling of a mad woman, or am I on to something ? I like to think that each time I sit down to do this, that I have something to offer the world. This is a safe space for me, but it can be risky. To share one’s hopes, dreams, aspirations, trauma, grief, etc. with the world is hard. That’s why I often go on hiatus, because I do not like to be superficial in my blog. I want to bare my soul and if I help anyone then so be it! I will be proud, but ultimately I am here to gain perspective. You may have differing opinions and I do too. I desire deeply to connect with like-minded people.
They say that the right people understand you and hear you differently. I didn’t really understand that thought until I experienced it first-hand. Sometimes you can try and talk to a person, to gain understanding and they only see things their way. Other times, the silence spoke, but only some can hear your silence. They know it hold more weight than words.
“Silence is the most powerful scream.” -Anonymous
Last night I had a terrible nightmare, it was truly awful! I was shaken to my core. I know it’s trauma knocking at my door, and I must open and listen. I have learned that my own inner voice has a lot to say but I have been like so many, not ready to listen. I have to confront the monsters under my bed so to speak. What do you fear most? I try and think of this often and the only word that comes up is failure. I allowed it to keep me places that I have outgrown. I let people put me in boxes that were never who I am.
We have the power to be who we want to be and who cares who doesn’t like it! To HELL with killing ourselves for the claps, approval and acceptance of a dying world! That made me feel an empowered! My purpose, worth, and all the above are not connected to another’s rating! Who made them the judge? To whom do I give the credit for my life? But God alone! Let yourself be misunderstood and stop over explaining to people who have decided to not get it!
If we had the option to see from a birds-eye view, our life once it’s all over. I doubt we will say, Oh look so and so was proud of me, or I was finally accepted by them. Nope! I think very seriously we would be amazed at all that we missed out on for that very reason. Live your life FOR YOU, with others in mind! Happy Reading & God guide you on your personal journey!
“Every girl is special, but some girls are exceptional. -Me
My beautiful little girl.
Last night as I lay sleeping with my husband and daughter, I felt her tiny body snuggle close to me. She began to shiver, and become restless. I’ve been a mom for fourteen years, I knew she was getting sick and had a fever. In my exhaustion, I asked my husband to feel her and see what he thought, and he said he didn’t think she had a fever. I knew better, but I decided to sleep a bit longer before she woke up. I hate to see her feeling so unwell, I desire to take the pain away for my children. That’s why I have decided to dedicate this post to my sweet girl.
My daddy called her Blue Eyed Rose, when she was first born, because Rose is her middle name, and she has beautiful blue eyes. My baby is what people call a “rainbow baby” she came after a miscarriage. I was pregnant three months before her and lost baby (Shiloh) at eight weeks. I call my lost baby Shiloh, many of you think it’s my name but its a dedication. It’s also my writer pseudonym, and now you also know where Rose comes from! These names hold special meanings to me, and it reminds me of my “why”. I think being a mother has been the greatest thing I have ever experienced!
Our darling girl, was born in March 2023 and she is full of sass and energy! Her best friend is her older brother, who is five. The two of them play, argue, and wrestle for hours on end. Their bond is so special and when he isn’t around she is concerned. The moment she was born, I thought wow! I had the same kid again! Her and her brother’s faces are so similar it’s amazing! She had all the delicate features of a girl but they look a lot alike. However, she is much smaller and you could say she is the runt! She is a tiny little thing, but so strong!
I remember being worried about her throughout my pregnancy. I wasn’t sure if it would end like the one before, but I prayed so much! She did have a complication, she has kidney issues. The kidneys were not draining properly, this is called: hydronephrosis. The doctors told me during routine ultrasound. I remember feeling afraid especially, when they mentioned she would probably require surgery. It was determined that both kidneys were affected. Later, at four months old she had the surgery on her right kidney, which was worse than the left. Most of the time, the matter resolves on its own.
The day they took her from my arms and took her back for surgery, I almost collapsed. I felt so helpless and afraid. I couldn’t imagine doing surgery on a baby that was that tiny! However, the surgery went well and she made a quick recovery, THANK YOU LORD! Nowadays, you wouldn’t even know it, that she had to have surgery. There is just another example of the miracle that this little girl is and we are so blessed. The love I have for that child is unmatched. Something about her heals a part of me. She looks so much like I did at that age, except for the blue eyes and her hair is a bit lighter.
It’s funny things that you say when you are young about being a parent. I remember saying that I wanted to have a boy first and then a girl so he could protect his little sister. God gave me just that, but differently than I expected. He gave me my step-daughter first, but still so special. My step children are my oldest two kids. God has given me so much! This little girl brings so much joy to us all. She is very loving and loves to cuddle! I love to dress her up and see her twirl. My oldest daughter, is a tom boy and this tiny princess is very girly. I notice that she is quite athletic, with her tall, slender frame.
One day, I hope that I can share this with my daughter when she is older and can read it. I want to share a few words of wisdom for her.
MOM’s Guide To Life
Give Jesus your full heart.
Forgive quickly & often.
Respect is not earned, it’s a requirement.
Smile often, even if they think you are weird. (True story)
Guard your heart.
Keep plants or a garden, it teaches you how to be patient, slow down, and care for the Earth.
Keep moving forward.
Small things, lead to big things.
Pray often.
Never look down on anyone.
Lead with compassion.
Trust your inner voice.
Keep a journal always.
Be a girls, girl. (Look out for other women)
This post is to my daughter, but I think that anyone can learn a lesson here. I hope that you are enjoying the journey! Happy Reading!
There is something so special about feeling seen, heard, appreciated and loved! Think about the last time someone remembered something about you or gave you the words of encouragement that you needed. How did that moment make you feel? Have you ever had a crappy day and someone came along and made it so much better? They gave you just what you needed to change your perspective on life or that current situation. As a child of God, we all are called to make the world better with our light.
The light can be seen when we be the sunshine in someone’s day! I thought to would give some examples of ways to practice being a better human being.
“You can always give something, even if it’s just kindness.” -Anne Frank
Surprise a friend with coffee. Most of us love a good cup of coffee, no matter how you take yours it’s always a nice surprise when someone thinks of you! My kids often buy me coffee’s or make me a cup in the morning and it is a wonderful way to start the day. I feel so loved by such a small gesture.
Leave kind notes in public. I love this one the most! I love a good note! It’s so important to keep written words alive! This is a great one for a spouse too! The note can say something like: “Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” Words of affirmation people, this is a great way to encourage them!
Volunteer. This one I think can be often underrated but so important! Every time I have ever offered my time to help another, I always feel so good! I was able to help with a tornado clean up crew, and that experience truly humbled me. It made me appreciated what I had so much more! Then I saw human compassion on display.
Give genuine compliments. This is the ONE! When we give someone a compliment, it should reflect that person as an individual. Get creative, pay attention to the small things about a person. Ex: “I love how thoughtful you are, the way you are always thinking of others first.”
Share inspiring stories. Everyone has a story to share and we should help others on their journeys by offering our wisdom. When King Solomon, in the Bible asked God for wisdom, he did not hoard it for himself, he used it to help the people. The stories you share helps people feel less alone.
Send surprise texts to loved ones. That family member whom you haven’t talked to in a while, shoot them a text. Maybe remind them of a funny moment you shared, send a pic and create a conversation.
Offer to make a meal or buy a meal for friends. In all the busyness of life, someone offering to take the load of cooking off your plate can come as a huge relief! Some people do those meal trains for people who are sick, having babies, etc. The meal train is a term that means you sign up for a particular day or time to make the meal for that family in need. These are usually offered at churches or work.
Create a neighborhood event. A yard sale, bake sale, lemonade stand, pop-up shop, snack stand, etc. These are fun and a great way to converse with your neighbors. In my last neighborhood, they would have pop-up food truck days and pretty much the whole neighborhood would go. This gave everyone a chance to talk, mingle, and get to know each other better. Food will always be a way to bring people together! Now more than ever we need each other! We need to share in life with people.
Simply SMILE at strangers. This is a big one, I admit that when I am upset it shows on my face but we should be careful at how we come off to strangers. We don’t want to take our issues out on anyone, so just smile and look friendly. We can even try and make it a habit, smiling at people we come across. That homeless person at your window, maybe just needs a smile and eye contact.
“You are the answer to someone’s prayer.”
This post challenged me to remember to be better at spreading joy. It’s a way to create a better place to live for my children, friends and family. Let us be moved to compassion at the suffering in our world, not cold hearted and blind. We may not speak the same language, look the same, pray the same, worship the same, but they are a human too. They may have done horrible things, but at some point you have too. We have to keep love alive. Let your hearts remain tender.
I hope that today you will share your kindness with the world. We all could use it! Happy Reading!
There is this trend that everyone is saying that this year is the new 2016. This trend has social media users posting all their old memories. Some people are confused and think the trend is silly, while others of us think it’s a great! I think it’s a way to see growth, change and relive a moment in time. I mean it has been ten years, and I think that is significant, especially considering how much the world has changed since then! I think for some people they miss their youth, and for some of us life was just getting real. Think with me for a moment, what were you up to at that time?
Where can you see growth, and where do you still see a need for change? I sat with my journal this evening and just revisited those old memories. I tried to think like I was back then for a moment I was tricked into the idea that somehow my life was better then. I think that we all are longing for when things felt more slow, simple, and more certain. The world is in such an uproar right now. I only had one kid, in 2016, I met my husband in late 2016. He already had kids from a previous marriage, and now they have become my children. My days are filled with teaching, drinking coffee, cleaning, cooking, running a full household.
Today as I thought about this 2016 trend, I wrote a letter to that version of me. I find that in the beginning of the letter, I missed that part of me, somehow she felt stronger. Then I decided to remove that thought and replace it with these thoughts.
The 27 year old me, would have not had the courage to start a blog, I was shy about sharing my writing with the world.
The younger me was always looking at my flaws and wanting to change them, but the 37 year old me, looks for what she can accept. I recognize that I am flawed and unique and that is okay!
She used to be afraid to loose things and people, now I release more and more. I take note when I start holding too tight.
This version of me is so much more patient, empathetic, and wise.
I have become the mother that I needed, I am way more dedicated now than I was before. Then I was just too immature. I hope my son sees how much I have grown.
It felt good to just write to my youngest self and give the encouragement that I am still on the way to my path. It just was not a straight path like I was desiring. I wanted it the easy way, and that doesn’t produce the pressure needed to produce change. I was able to tell myself not to worry so much. I hugged my five year old son and imagined me getting that hug at his age. I think I didn’t hug my mom enough, because I was afraid of her. I squeeze my little ones tight until their little bodies go limp with the warmth of love. They fight and wiggle and I hug tighter, they often think I don’t need a hug, but when it happens I feel their relief.
I will forever hope that I have made the younger me proud, and yet there is so much more to do! I imagine what the next ten years will be like. My children will be 26, 25, 24, 15, 12 man that is scary to think about but time will pass. The gray hairs, weight gain, scars, cellulite, wrinkles, all reminders of the minutes passing. I want to live well; I want to look back and see more than pain and disappointment. What will you do with the next decade? Who might you become?
We are constantly waiting for the right time, a time that we do not know if it will even exist! We must learn to continue to take risks and keep moving forward. My favorite MLK quote speaks to the importance of persevering.
“If you can’t fly, then run, if you can’t run, then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving.” -MLK
The changes all around us can be daunting at times, but we too must persevere and see what is up ahead. What if the answer, shocks you and it’s even better than you could have imagined? The song that I am listening to says, “The day I showed up is the day, God showed up!” We have to go looking for the good that is left in this world. We have to learn to be that good thing too!
I wonder what MLK would think about how things are today? Did his purpose become a reality or is it worse than before? I think that is all about perspective. Was his death worth the price he paid? Did he die in vain? I believe that he created a spark that has remained ignited for decades and we still today see that dream. We now even dare to dream it for other nations of people too! Keep your dreams alive friend! Who knows the legacy that you will leave behind. The smallest and even insignificant changes, and disciplines lead to extraordinary places!
Today is another day in a history that is still being written, this post will soon be just a memory. One that I will be glad that I fought for my voice, that I kept showing up! For someone who tends to run away from things, I had to learn to wrestle with my emotions. To tame them into purpose. I had to keep coming back to this desk until I was able to calm down and write. I am fighting battles that many people wouldn’t even understand. And dear friend, I know you are too, that’s the beauty of life. We all are dealing with something and still show up for the things that matter.
My own anger has been a silencer for my true voice, and when I sit with the emotion and let it fuel me it becomes magic! I produce something tangible that I can use as the motivation for my tomorrow! I find it really hard to write when I feel that anger, and sometimes that’s what I need to do that most! I need to release it and take what I can learn from it. Lately, I have been hearing my inner voice, louder than usual. It’s a curious phenomenon, but maybe I am just simply ready to listen. Maybe I finally am beginning to trust her wisdom. I have dealt with a lot of abuse and one of the things it does first is take your confidence. It makes you feel like you cannot trust your intuition.
God gave us our intuition it’s a gift, and sometimes it can hurt. We must separate the pain with the realization that it’s a way to protect us from ourselves. Our bodies were created with such great attention to details that we must learn to embrace all that we are. We are divine beings, just a little lower than angels! God, give me the courage to keep listening! I feel a deep transition in my life right now and I must admit I am afraid. I have to make so many choices, and I want to make the ones that serve my greater good. Sometimes it can be hard to do that because things can seem right at the time but later, we learn it wasn’t.
Maybe that is part of the journey too, just to take our paths with the best intentions and not stress it. To keep our focused attention on what we truly desire to accomplish, and keep going. I may wander off the road at times, but that is how my instincts are sharpened through experience. I love to sit and think like this, what is the meaning of life? I will always seek answers to the unknown. I hope that you too are willing to keep showing up and see what the day brings. Get your work done, for when it is night, no man can work!
All rights reserved. Sending you peace, love, and warmth!
According to various studies, there are about 40% of people in the United States, who believe in ghosts, spirits, and the paranormal. Half of this number is represented by those who have had personal experiences. What is your stance? Do you believe in spooks? Who is it behind these experiences, could it be our dead relatives, ancestors, angels, demons, etc.? I want to share one of my experiences. I cannot say what exactly it was, but it definitely changed my thoughts on the whole matter.
This was not the first time I had experienced things supernaturally. I was more aware of it at this point. I think sometimes when it happens most people rule it off as their imagination. I find this particularly true if the person experiences the phenomenon alone. At this time I was not the only one that experienced it so I knew it happened!
(Pexels Free Library)
In the summer of 2010, I took a trip with a couple of friends to meet a guy in Maryland, and we fell in love. A couple of months prior to the trip, we had begun our friendship by talking on the phone. He decided that he wanted to move to my home state and we all would be roommates at our friend’s house. This was incredibly stupid, but we were so young! The move went well; it was my first time away living from home. I was 21 years old, and he was 19.
There were two other people that were staying pretty regularly at the upstairs apartment and decided to move out, right before Michael and I moved in. Our roommates were my best friend and his best friend, who was also from Maryland, and they also were dating. (Ahhh young love). We were to take the upstairs apartment which I was happy with because it was the spacious and nice.
At the time, I worked nights so I would be gone a lot. I remember Michael being kind of on edge at night, and he told me he was freaked out. I asked him why, he said he didn’t know but it was just creepy. We laughed it off, just like anyone would and just went on with life. It was fun we would party, hang out, go out, and all just be together all the time as a group. I can’t remembered which occurrence happened first, but it was pretty quickly after moving in. The house was on a corner lot, and there was an old church across the street. I don’t even think the church was in use anymore.
One Sunday I remember we were relaxing in bed with the door shut. As we were talking, the door slowly opens, and I lean over and look to see no one there. I assumed it was my friend’s baby because she would have been so short and maybe I didn’t see her. However, later I mentioned it to my friend and she said no, she didn’t go upstairs. It still creeps me out the things that happened! A few days later, Michael asks me if I have seen his “Jesus Piece” necklace anywhere. I told him that I hadn’t seen it but I knew that he always kept it on the one of the four posters on the bed. We looked all around it was gone. We actually never found it even after we moved out.
By this time, I am starting to tell my friends about these strange things bit, by bit. My friend tells me that the other roommates that moved out said things happened to them too. The house still had furniture in it that the landlord let us use and it was this old tv. Well the guy DJ, said he was upstairs watching tv in the living room and that the channel kept changing. He would have to manually get up and fix it because it was so old there was no remote. Each time, just as he would sit down it would happen again, his girlfriend was there too. They decided to ask his cousin, whom was my best friend if it was haunted. However, she didn’t believe him.
When she told me their story, I knew it was real because I wasn’t even around when their experiences happened. As I said, I worked nights so I would get home when it would be still dark, I remember pulling into the car port and seeing the front door wide open. I thought that was strange because we never leave doors open when we go to bed. I felt a very ominous feeling as I entered the house, I went straight to my bedroom in the back. I climbed in bed and woke up my boyfriend. I ask him about the door, he says he shut and LOCKED it before bed! Now I was freaked! Our roommates used their own private entrance.
Pexels Free Library
Once again, I tell my friends and they are just as nervous as I am, but they just haven’t experienced much yet. I am beginning to wish I hadn’t moved, in because I am really not sleeping. I was staying up late, working all night, and barely able to rest in the daytime. The stress is kicking in and my immature boyfriend is not making it better. He was playing in this recliner chair that could lift off of the ground by using the remote. I was in the bathroom across from the living room doing my hair and makeup getting ready for work that evening. We were arguing about something, and as we began to get in a heated discussion the door to the living room slams shut. I didn’t see it but felt the wind of it and obviously the loud bang.
I was looking in the mirror, but I just glanced out of the corner of my eyes immediately. I ask Michael why he would slam the door in my face and he’s still in the same spot. The recliner, we both heard the door, but we are alone in the apartment. The recliner was still off the ground when I peeked my head in the room. Most people, if they had slammed a door, you would know it and they wouldn’t lie about it, because it’s quite common. I would understand because we were arguing pretty heatedly. However, he was just as confused as me.
A few weeks pass and we all are starting to get over this house and all the weird things. We decide that we are going to stop paying bills here and save money for another apartment. We went as far as not paying the electric bill, because we wanted to be cheap. So in our minds we can just use candles for light and it’s fall time so we can handle the cold. We stopped buying groceries, and just would eat snacks or fast food. We stayed in the house like this for a week or two. We got the eviction notice and everything. However, we are riding it out as long as we can.
One night, we have all the candles lit upstairs in the kitchen, and my back bedroom. We are all gathered in the kitchen talking and we are sharing the experiences with each other again, because the previous friends who stayed there are visiting. They tell us another story about the recliner. DJ tells us that he was hanging out and he kept hearing the massage chair on but no one was in the chair. He decides that maybe it’s broken and he is going to unplug it, well guess what! It was already unplugged!!!!
As we are joking and talking about everything, we see an intense bright light in my bedroom. It was as if the lights had turned on by themselves, but remember, we had no electricity! I glance back and immediately get the goosebumps. I ask if they saw what I saw, and everyone agrees that those four or five tea-light candles cannot produce that much light. We are so screwed! I can remember trying to be so brave, but truly not understanding these things. How is this possible?
Oh how I love scary movies, yet this was REAL LIFE! I wasn’t alone, imagining these things. My friend then tells me that she had heard whispers close to her ear when she was in the bathroom. This thing is doing more and more. One day I am about to head to the downstairs apartment, when I sense a presence following me out of my bedroom. It was almost as if I could feel a light air on my neck. I had goosebumps, I was walking hurriedly and trying to reason with myself. I tell myself in my mind that I wish this thing would try and hurt me and that I am not afraid! Well just then I felt a push on the stairs and I almost go crashing into the wall below. I was too afraid to even look behind me.
A question that I ask, Did we cause these manifestations, was it always there? Who was it? What was it trying to communicate? I really don’t know, the only thing the landlord told us was an elderly man had died there. The chair belonged to that old man. The last straw was one day, I was home alone with my best friend and her two kids, and we were sitting in her kitchen in the downstairs apartment. We started to hear loud footsteps upstairs, and thought the kids must have went up but upon checking the door at the top of stairs was latched! We tried to ignore it but it kept getting louder, to the point that we grab the kids and go running outside. We remained there until our boyfriends got home. Thank God, we finally got a new place and left that house!
The whole ordeal only lasted, maybe a couple of months but it was very scary! I felt so relieved when we got our new place! I still think about this often. I wonder why it happened to us. I think sometimes maybe it was a warning to us all to live better! We all were wild, reckless, and headed into a lot of grief. My life got really hard the next year. My relationship with Michael was a train wreck, the only blessing was our son. He is my world, I love being his mom, and I am glad I left his father in 2012.
Have you ever experienced anything like this? Or any other supernatural event? I would love to hear about it! Happy Reading!
