Lately, I have been spending a lot of time at church and its been a blessing! I am grateful for my new friends and connections. Our church is small, but it’s really starting to grow. We joked about how things are changing as we are growing, which was cool because I had no idea! God will always bring the increase when we are faithful.
The warmer weather has been great, and the longer days makes it so much better! I really don’t know what I want to write about, I just know that I need to be present and let my thoughts flow. I am currently listening to a prayer for the nervous system. I am working so hard these days to be more attentive to what lies beneath the surface. I desire to be at peace in my soul. I want to heal from all the things that I couldn’t talk about for so long.
When I began talking about my trauma that I avoided dealing with it all seemed to come to the surface. The flashbacks have been awful, but I am leaning on the Lord. I know that I must grieve these things and let God work in the secret places.
The things that have been really helping lately:
- Building community outside of my abusers
- Listening to music
- Lots of nature walks
- Sitting quietly
- Deep Breathing
- Listening to uplifting sermons & prayers
- Asking for help
- Trying new things
- Listening to my inner voice
- Allowing myself to feel again
- Not punishing myself for moments of weakness
- Praying more often
- Laying on a heating pad
- Slowing down
- Taking breaks more often
- Affirmations with God’s word
- Setting boundaries
- Speaking out about things
- Exercising
- Talking to my inner child
This process has been really hard because it’s something that I avoided for a long time. I was expected to just deal with it and be strong. I heard a message yesterday, from Nazanin Mandi whom I really admire. She talked about how women are often commended for their resilience. Strength and endurance have been the measuring factor of our worth.
She said the body remembers what the mind tries to erase. “What is this costing you to keep holding?” “Resilience allows you to move through something and remain intact, toxicity asks you to slowly disappear for you to sustain it.” Then we betray our own truth. “Resilience isn’t about proving how much you can endure, it’s about having the self trust to know when holding on is no longer strength; and letting go is.”
It’s time for women to be able to speak up about their struggles without fear or judgement! WE are allowed to take up space in a world that has denied us basic human rights for too long! I am not a hater of men by any means but I see so many women overworked, burnout, depressed, full of jealously and hate. They have been ignored for so long and it’s really affecting our relationships. We see all the self help, fitness routines, schedules, etc but when you are expected to regulate the emotions of your entire household. When is there any time for a woman to heal, grow, and figure herself out?
I see many women that are standing up and reclaiming their voice and speaking out. We will not be silenced, and we deserve to be more than what we produce. Our world will start to heal when we realize that we are created to be a help mate to our husbands NOT their mother, counselor, maid, or sperm factory! Healing from childbirth alone would be a great start! To not be rushed back into working and caring for everyone. To take time and rest. Our world cannot be sustained the way that it is going.
I understand that men too are feeling the pressures too. Friends we have to start communicating better with our spouses. We must be willing to get to the root of the family break down that we are seeing in our world. Anywho that’s my soap box for the day. I will continue to work on my own healing and be a light in a dark world. I pray that you will join in on the fight to create a place of love, acceptance, and growth in your own homes and communities!
Happy Reading & God Bless!
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