Shiloh Rose Archive

I was about twelve I guess, I had social studies in the portable trailer behind the school building. My teacher was Ms. Lawson, she was a young teacher I think she had only been teaching for a few years. I had no qualms about her I thought she was pretty with her bright blue eyes. The first several weeks were uneventful. At this age, I was quite the chatterbox at school and loved to goof off with my friends.

It was in her class, that we learned that the Twin Towers had been bombed. I remember she wheeled out the tv and let us watch as the horrors unfolded. We all had no idea what this would bring. I always enjoyed her class she was strict but fun. I didn’t realize that she would impact my life so much. There are many moments that shape a child’s development. I really never took school too seriously. I did enough to get by, although I was pretty smart. I never tried too hard at anything and would give up easily.

I don’t have a competitive spirit, I have a determined spirit though. I am the type of person who will prove you wrong if you challenge me, but without a challenge I don’t care too much. I now know why I never really tried too hard, because I had no one pushing me. By the time I was in her class, my parents were broken up and I lived with just my dad and I. He rarely talked to me, it was like living with a roommate rather than a father. He would go to work very early in the morning and come home. He would make us dinner or sometimes I would eat whatever was there. He never asked if I had dinner, showered, or did my homework. I was left to my own vices and it was quite lonely.

My life had always been spent trying to stay out of the way and not be a burden. I would do the best I could with my homework and spent a lot of time reading fictional books and writing stories. My dad spent his time between various women, so many I couldn’t count! They would come over, some to never be seen again and some would stick around for months. I didn’t participate in any extra curricular activities because when I asked I was told no. He said we couldn’t afford it but in reality, he used his money to impress women.

Those days spent at school were an escape from the lonely home life. I remember one day the music teacher Mr. Howard, asked if any kids were interested in joining the choir. I saw a few of my friends were going to go and I decided to go too! The weird thing was that the auditions were during Ms. Lawson’s class time. So when I went in the music room to audition, I was shocked to see Ms. Lawson storm in there. She marched up to me and said something to the effect “Marissa, you need to come back to class right now, you are just wanting to goof off and miss my class!”

I was embarrassed a bit, that she called me out like that in front of my peers! However, it felt more motherly rather than spiteful. She saw that I was following rather than choosing a goal for my life. I wasn’t failing her class, I had a C average. I couldn’t argue with her because she was right. I did want to play around and not be in her class. This encounter fired me up, I was determined to show her I could do her little class quite well! By the time the next report card came out I had brought my grade up to an A!

I remember we had a big test over all the state capitals and states, we had to know all of them. I passed the test with flying colors, I felt so good! Then she sent a flyer home that we were going to have an awards ceremony coming up. I told my parents about it and asked if they would come. My dad said no, he had to work and my mom was always late to everything and she didn’t make it either. I was disappointed that I had no family there but wasn’t too shocked. As I said before, school wasn’t a big deal in my upbringing and that’s how my parents were raised too.

The lights in the auditorium went dark and the ceremony began. They went through all subjects and grades of middle school. When I saw Ms. Lawson get up I wasn’t thinking anything of it. She started to talk about a student who worked hard to turn their grades around. I don’t remember all that she said, but I remember that she got very emotional about it. When she called my name I was shocked. I never won anything, I was always in the background of life. I couldn’t believe that I was the most improved student! I had worked hard and actually had something to show for it!

I think that so many children have stories like mine, the parents aren’t really pouring into them as they should. They may be ignored or overlooked and it takes a special teacher to see that. To see a student for who they can become, an decided to take action. Ms. Lawson gave me the harsh, but loving encouragement that I so desperately needed. I could have been an all star student with a bit of extra time and attention. I am so grateful for her seeing me! I actually was able to join the Jr Beta Club after this situation. My grades were good and I felt very proud. I had all A’s & B’s for that year.

I like to think of myself as a noticer, I always try and see people. The forgotten, lonely, and broken and be that friendly face. So many people lack the love that some are so accustomed to and we need people! Let’s be like that for someone this week! Take the extra time to listen, notice, encourage, and uplift others! I pray that Ms. Lawson is still making an impact for others!

Thank you for stopping by my page! Happy Reading! All rights reserved.

ShilohRose77©️

The trip that we are going to be taking is one that is of great seriousness. The coming of Jesus, to redeem his church! For this trip we do not need a vehicle, only the seal of the Holy Spirit. That will be the power that will transport us to the sky to meet Jesus. The day of the Lord, is something that we don’t talk about often enough, and perhaps because maybe we are not truly ready! Have you unpacked your bags, you cannot take anything with you? Do you have your wedding attire prepared? Whether we are ready or not we are all invited!

Jesus is seeking a blameless church, one that has been cleansed and redeemed! How do we get redeemed? By accepting what Jesus has done for us on the cross. We take his blood as the atonement for our sins, and we name him Lord of our lives. We confess our sinful nature and we repent. Repentance is the turning away from those sins and to go in a different direction.

Did you know that our relationship to God is likened to a marriage? This forever commitment to be our God in all of our wandering! When we think of the role a husband plays the imagery really hits home. Husbands are expected to: Provide, Commit faithfully, Protect, Provide Stability, Exclusivity, Relational Intimacy, Sacrificial Love, Partnership, etc. God is offering all of these things to all of us. All that we can offer back is our willingness to walk alongside him in all our ways.

Many of you know that we are all unable to fully be all that we should be, and it’s not that we don’t want to. I think we all desire to be better, but in our fallen state we are limited. That is why we need the Spirit of God to help us to be better. When we accept his sacrifice, he comes to live inside of us. He guides us each day as we stay close with him. Will you still sin? Yes, but the beauty of this marriage to Christ is that he will NEVER leave the relationship.

He may distance himself to let you feel the weight of your choices but you are not abandoned! He will come and seek that which is lost! I mean when something belongs to you, aren’t you going to GO AND GET IT? If your package is delivered to the post office, you go and pick it up. You lay claim to what you paid for and what bears your name. Our names have been changed when we become in covenant relationship with God.

“Knowing we will stray doesn’t stop the plan; it just defines the cost, he is willing to pay.” -Google Gemini

Have you ever heard of the story of Hosea in the Bible? He was a prophet for God, a messenger for the children of Israel. During this time, they have begun to worship idols, ignore God and betray his loyalty. The people are divided and living recklessly. The Lord wants to use Hosea as an example of type of love he gives to us. He commands Hosea to take a wife, named Gomer and the Lord knows that she has a harlotry in her heart. Not only is she betraying God, she begins to betray Hosea in their marriage. This hurt Hosea and his children with her deeply.

The story says that she was making a fool of Hosea and herself. The recklessness of her decisions caused her to be in bondage. Hosea had to go and redeem her back, he literally had to pay money to get HIS OWN wife back! How heartbroken, embarrassed, angry, and ashamed he must have felt. Can you imagine having to bring your spouse home after such trashy living? I can relate, because in my marriage right now my husband has betrayed my trust many times. The pain is wounds that I still carry.

The imagery of being bought with a price, is just what Jesus did for us! He paid our sin debts, and redeemed us to himself. Hosea and Gomer are able to be restored in their marriage through forgiveness and reconciliation. That’s the whole point that Jesus has for us today, he wants to bring us home. We are sojourners in this world, seeking a home. If you have ever heard of a marriage being restored, it’s always such a beautiful story, to see how things can change. When we are committed to go in the right ways. I’m not sure if my marriage will outlast this storm. However I KNOW my marriage to Jesus, will weather the storm!

He’s not giving up on me, and I am not content without him in my life. He will continue to come and rescue me and I will run into his open arms! May we all come to know this kind of love!

“I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes I will betroth you to Me In righteousness and justice, In loving kindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, And you shall know the Lord.” Hosea 2:19-20 (ESV).

Notice that the Lord says that he will betroth us to himself three times, he is repeating this message and proclaiming his promise. The repeated means that it is permanent, complete and secure. Sometimes we let God down, but we know that he never fails! We know that in this earthly realm, we experience a lot of brokenness in relationships. This promise I am holding dear to in my own pain in marriage. I hope that you are willing to think on the things I have said and take Jesus up on his offer.

This whole message came from a song actually. My kids asked me to sing them a song, because they too are feeling the weight of this separation. When I sing to them their little, restless bodies become still and I feel them rest in God’s love. I almost always sing worship songs to them because these songs are ones I learned at church camp as a little girl. They are an integral part of the woman of God that I am today. I sang several songs, but one song really touched my heart. The song, “I Shall Wear A Crown.” After the song was over, later my five year old son came to me and said he was crying “happy tears” I said why he said very plainly: “because of Jesus.”

The song is about going home to heaven, a place of rest from our struggles. The moment we can put on our heavenly bodies and be separated from the griefs and pain of this broken world! The moment we put on our white garments and tell our testimony to the saints! What a day of joy it will be! No more striving, contention, sickness, death, etc. Hallelujah! I hope you too will gain a crown when it’s all over! Get RIGHT church and let’s go home!

All rights reserved! Photos are from Pexels Free Library ShilohRose77©️

Somehow this question irritates me, maybe because I am already feeling emotional. The weight of heartbreak heavy in my stomach, how can you spend ten years loving a person to then go to silence?! Well back to the main focus that’s a post for another day.

1. MUSIC: I definitely live and breathe for music, it just touches my soul in ways I can’t explain. I am the type of person that will repeat one song over and over. If it speaks to me in that moment, then that’s what I do. I like to give fully into the music, and let the rhythm and melodies take me into another realm. I would probably be a musical artist if I was a tad bit more confident. I am just now working up to singing more publicly! That is a hard skill I often wonder how people do it, but I guess that’s where the music comes in, it just takes over you! I am currently listening to LOVE: by Keyshia Cole.
2. READING: I love to read, and can sit and read all day if I am uninterrupted. However, as a busy mom that rarely happens anymore! I have always loved books and my mom influenced my love for reading because I loved how she would read to me. She always bought me wonderful books. Since my mother and I have a rocky relationship, that was one way she made me feel special and unique because my sister doesn’t love it like I do and my sister was her favorite child. I am currently reading Invisible: by Danielle Steele. I have always loved her books, they are sad but usually has a happy ending or the person evolving into who they should be. I can always get behind a character that has growth. The greatest thing about reading for me, is that I can live inside of those pages and that is so comforting to me.
3. WRITING: I love to write and always have since a young girl. I used to write romance stories in high school and many of my classmates would hear about them and would ask me in between classes to read them! I have never published anything yet, other than these blogs. I’m not sure why considering I love it so much. I think it’s a confidence thing. Then also for many years I have lived for everyone else and that’s because of my trauma and sensitive nature. I’m learning though, and I recently sent in a manuscript for a children’s book that I wrote a couple of years ago. I haven’t heard back anything yet, WISH me luck! I have so many journals that I have kept over the years full of stories, dreams, devotional, poems, etc. I am really enjoying blogging and sharing my thoughts with the world. It’s a wonderful feeling to publish each one! I lost my high school books, I wish I had those! They were quite inappropriate so maybe, this version of me wouldn’t like them anyway LOL. I was a hot mess teenager.
4. WALKING/HIKING: I really enjoy taking a good long walk or hike. It’s just a wonderful feeling to explore nature and breathe the fresh air. I grew up outside a lot because my dad loves gardening and animals. My mom also used to take my sister and I to the park almost everyday. We would take walks around the pond at one particular park, and I would make up stories for them. My mom always loved my stories and vivid imagination. I love hiking but I get scared sometimes of snakes!!! I am so afraid of them! I think the best feeling is to find a new spot to walk or hike, with all of the new sights. Then I usually go to that one several times, because I love familiar things. It’s like going home after a long day. You can walk the path with your eyes closed and yet each time it is different than the last. My current park has a really nice, long, paved trail through the woods.
5. PRAYER: Sometimes I can get lost in the presence of God. I like to sit and talk to him about everything and process life. I have argued with him like Job, and cried at his feet like David. He always meets me there and though he can be silent, I know he is there. He allows me space to learn and grown on my own. He gently nudges me to what is best. I love ABBA!!!
6. SHOPPING: I love to wander through the isles of a store and look and touch everything. I don’t enjoy grocery shopping, but I love clothes shopping. I hate to be rushed in a store though, I think shopping trips are best without kids or husbands!

Well I think that is about it, I hope you are having a great weekend! Happy Reading!

All rights reserved. ShilohRose77©️

I would choose to be an angel on dispatch for God.

Just like this sweet lady that came at just the right moment. I woke up to see that Mez read a bunch of my blogs and was touched by my stories. I wept as I read her beautiful comments. Mez had no idea that I asked God for a sign, that I needed some encouragement! God sent her to speak life to me, to tell me to keep going! Her words spoke right into my darkness and pain. The words shone a light that this is how I heal and recover! I keep showing up, sharing my thoughts and the process. Friends the kindness we give out you may never know the impact that it has on someone’s life!

After seeing her comments, I went and read some of her blog posts and I wasn’t shocked to find a kind, gentle soul. She writes poetry and shares the hope that she has, we have the same mission but different stories. The same Father (GOD), but different paths to walk. I encourage you all to be like that for someone! Champion each other on, let’s not get into our ego and pettiness. We all need a pat on the back and a clap once in a while! Please if you enjoy my writing go check out hers at

http://shehathwings.com She is not the only one that has blessed me through what I thought was an insignificant blog page. Many of you have inspired me so much! The world needs more kindness!

First let’s go back a bit, last night I was so anxious and sad. The grief clinging to my bones tighter than the jeans that I was wearing. In this season, God has been challenging me to grieve what I thought my life would look like and embrace what he is creating it into. I have been through a great deal of abuse from sexual, physical, verbal, etc.

It started very early in my life the feeling of being utterly alone. I couldn’t really tell anyone all that I was dealing with at home, school or anywhere. I learned early on that if I stayed quiet, and did as I was told I could bear it. Or so I thought, I never wanted to be a burden and yet I often felt that way. I grew up life moved on and I had lots of ups and downs. Life has been a series of highs and lows, but I ALWAYS had faith! I don’t even know where it came from really!

I believed in God long before I even understood why. He had been my anchor through the storms of my chaotic upbringing. He always let me know he was there in various ways. He would send dreams, songs, words a of encouragement from strangers, strange and unusual blessings all to draw me near. I would draw close and then would retreat when life got hard. I was always so afraid of everything! I would have to work myself up to do the things that deep down I really wanted to do in spite of my fears. I know now, that fearful side of me comes from my broken childhood. However God has always been so patient with me as I mature.

Last night I had to run some errands, I was feeling okay despite this sadness. I went about my day but then the attacks came and I felt the discouragement, loneliness, and the pain so heavy in my body. I began to cry and felt awful for being so weak. I wanted to talk to someone, but as I scanned my phone contacts I realized that I had no one that I wanted to talk to. I felt that deep wound of rejection come in like a flood. I prayed out loud until the storm passed. I felt calmer and relieved. I talked to my son and he gave me a big hug. “It’s gonna be okay, mom.” We laid down and watched tv together and it was a decent evening.

When I climbed in my bed I prayed and cried some more, as I began processing more of my feelings. The trauma I ignored for so long showing up demanding answers! These feelings buried deep inside are needing a place to go. I asked God for a sign that he was with me and could hear me. I know it seems so foolish but that is the life of a child of God, sometimes he feels distant. I went to bed and tried to think positive. I woke up early and was annoyed that I couldn’t sleep in a bit! However, I knew I had to get up and do what I can do today.

I WILL GET THROUGH THIS SEASON and while I’m going through I will reach back and grab someone and bring them to the other side with me! I will be the light in someone else’s storm!

May God bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you! All rights reserved ShilohRose77©️

The best gift I ever received was a brand new typewriter! I was spending time with my granny and I would go out and play. One day as we were outside, I supposed that she introduced me to her neighbor Diane. I can’t remember the initial meeting anymore. I just remember loving to go a couple of doors down to visit Diane. I remember her so vividly she was such a sweet woman. She was middle aged, and she lived alone with her two cats. I can still see her face and hear her voice in my mind!

Diane was a tall, slender woman with large teeth and a bright smile. She had this high pitched, nasally voice and kind eyes. She wore her hair short with her soft black curls. I thought she was so cool! She had a very modern looking home, she had art, lots of books, and just a quirky vibe. That was just who she was a woman that loved simple things but had great taste! Her home reminded me of one of those hipster bookstores that you see nowadays.

I would love to see her right now, I could use someone like her in my life again. A kind, gentle soul and like me, a little misunderstood. Diane wasn’t married, and didn’t have any children. I cannot remember as to why. She seemed content with her simple, quiet life. Diane had a child-like way about her that really drew me in as a young kid. I was ten I believe when I met her that summer. As time passed, I would bring my two cousins to play there too! She would give us snacks and watch us play in her yard.

Diane’s house had this garden like feel to it because her small house was set off the road and enclosed with a large magnolia tree. This tree was massive, I can still smell the sweet smell. At times, the smell was overwhelming. Her yard was completely fenced in and she had all kind of plants. I remember one day telling Diane that I like to write stories. I really don’t even recall her response. One day she asked my granny if she could take me shopping. We headed off to Pier 1 Imports and she bought me a sunflower photograph and then we went somewhere else and got the typewriter.

I really couldn’t be more excited! I never even used a typewriter but she knew that I needed something! I have always used writing as a way to process my emotions, learn, teach, encourage, and inspire. Diane gave me the best gift, a dream to chase. I would spend hours typing away. I wish I had some of those stories but that’s okay. The point of that summer was to encourage me to be who I am. My parents really never understood my gift. They both were amazed at it but didn’t really foster it. My mom always helped with my love for reading, but writing I think was just not something she knew much about.

The typewriter was electric, light grey, and it had those replaceable ink cartridges. I felt so cool and important using it and I truly loved every moment that I had it. One thing that she gave me that day, was a reminder that I have a voice. When we write it is our thoughts, intentions, feelings and hopes. I think I stifled my voice many times in my life because I felt misunderstood. I think I also learned the best thing about life, that my voice matters and my stories are needed.

As I sit here and think back to those days, I still wonder why Diane did what she did for me? Could she know my deep sadness? Could she tell I was abused and traumatized? I’m not sure if I shared my personal story with her. Maybe she was just as lonely as me. I always felt a deep loneliness because I always felt like an outsider. I wanted to fit in but it took a lot of compromise to get there. I do not fit in because I wasn’t meant to. The thing about my friend is that she didn’t seem to care what anyone thought of her. She was herself and that is so inspiring as I think of her.

The world has a way of stealing our dreams, originality, and soul but those are the things that make us so special. It is a must that we remain true to ourselves. That is a great gift that we have to offer to the world. We need not to be afraid of whom we have always been. I ran from myself a lot because I felt somehow flawed. The greatest things about our identity, it has always been. There is not a point of arrival, rather a moment of recognition.

You are a gift, and I hope that you have many moments when you are reminded of the gift that you are to the world. I pray that you find your people, those who uplift you and inspire you. If you can get a few good people in your corner to support you, that’s all you need. I am so thankful for the friendship I shared with Diane, she was one of those people for me. She truly saw me without me having to say too much! There will always be an urge to over explain ourselves to people who are determined to not understand us. Don’t waste time on that, just be who you are and the right people will show up!

Happy reading and God bless my friends! I am so very grateful for those of you that see me and get me! I love sharing my worldview with you guys and I appreciate your encouragement and shared thoughts. Keep showing up!

All rights reserved. ShilohRose77©️