Mother of 5 beautiful children, friend of books, avid reader, bubble baths are life! I enjoy long walks and hiking, I seek adventure. Writing makes me a better person, I love to share my thoughts.
The wind and the waves cannot overtake me Pain, hurt, and betrayal continue to shape me Who I was,and Who I am A graceful tug of war I take what I need from the past As I releases my grip on that door A new day ahead My heart longing for more
Sharing in the power to create I draft something new This sacred space between dreams to reality Here I bring the new me to you My life like a flask full of wisdom Awaiting to be poured out Here, take a swig I saved some just for you
Life is meant to be shared Allow me to impart lessons learned in the storm May your travels bring us tales from old Wise words for our children to behold Hindsight our greatest teacher
We are always full of regrets Why not realize our sails are meant to be torn This great journey abroad No other way to learn other than experience Let the wind carry you on
Look how far you’ve come no use quitting now Over the horizon the rising sun A new dawn far better than what is behind Raise your sails and allow the Ruach of the Lord The Holy Wind that that steers you forward
Press on, yield to the tide Almighty seas drift me through the waves Faith in my journey, hope in my heart Leaning into my truth, light and love Realizing I was on the right path from the start
I was born different, I have Amniotic Band Syndrome.
Lately I have felt God pushing me into sharing my story about my life with Amniotic Band Syndrome. I am a storyteller by nature but I have always been uncomfortable with this part of the story. However, God wants me to be the light of the world and come out of hiding. I was abused as a child and I felt so weird and flawed. In spite of being born with deformities, I have always had a deep set joy. I am naturally a joyous person, but the world has often tried to steal that joy. The shame that I felt came from mocking, cruelty and abuse.
When my mom had my little sister, eight years after I was born everything changed. She had finally gotten the “perfect child” that she longed to have. I understand her pain because her first two children were born different. My older brother has intellectual disabilities, he cannot talk normally or learn as others. Then I have ABS, and it caused her to show favoritism to my sister. It really hurt me when my mom told me that to my face. I felt a sense of not being good enough. My parents were abusive in different ways.
Μy mom would hit me, give my sister extravagant presents and attention, and she always seemed to be angry. I love my mom, and I forgive her because I know she loves me in her own way. She apologized to me about the things she has done. Our relationship has always been very complicated and hard. My daddy was abusive to my mom and emotionally unavailable for his children. I grew up feeling like I was a burden. Then having ABS made things hard in the outside world. My mom tried to protect me the best that she could when I stared going to school.
I was blessed that I really didn’t go through too much teasing. I had some bullies, but it was bearable. I learned to hide my hands and some people didn’t notice or pretended not to for my sake. My mom taught me to work hard and not give up too easily. She taught me to adapt and be resilient. I never received any disability money and I worked in many different jobs. I have had some discrimination with jobs, but I kept pushing. I often have been frustrated about why I had to go through so many bad things growing up.
When I began to learn about Jesus and grow in relationship with him, I found purpose. I realized that God uses people like me for his purpose!
“But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty;” I Corinthians 1:27 NKJV
What my mother saw as a curse, was actually a blessing! I have seen God’s miracles, provisions, and love in a deeper way than most people. The things I endured have taught me to pray, forgive, love, and serve others. I love to encourage people. I listen to people who feel unseen and ignored. I have a heart that is tender towards those that are broken.
One day about eleven years ago, I met a guy on social media that was born different like me! He encouraged me to write an article about my life with ABS. I always loved to write but was shy about sharing it with the world. I would share my stories in high school with a few people, but many never knew I had this talent. The article and a photo of me was posted. I told what it was like and the ways you have to encourage yourself, be resilient and determined. I talked about my faith, struggles, and the feelings that come from being so different. Little did Geoff know what a blessing that article was for me! I added my email address and shortly after, I began to receive emails.
The emails came from various people with ABS and they were inspired by my article and honesty. One mother reached out to me and asked me to meet her daughter with ABS! I was scared of that and I felt bad, but I felt unworthy at that time. I still see her posts on Facebook and her daughter is thriving! I am always so amazed to see those like me because growing up it was so rare. This disease only affects like 1 out of every 10,000-15,000 pregnancies. I was born in 1988, so it was less known about and before social media.
The beauty of social media, has bridged a gap for all of us affected by limb differences. We now can connect with people all over the world! I remember when I was in kindergarten, my teacher Mrs. Jones, found a lady like me to come and have lunch with me. It was so inspiring for her to show me her hands that were oddly similar to mine. She talked about her job as a journalist and how she still leads a full life. Then as a young woman, I met a lady that worked in a library and she had limb differences too. I introduced myself to her and we spoke about our differences. Everyone is different with ABS, its affects many different body parts. For me it’s my hands, left foot, and scalp.
If I am honest, I sort of felt like an outcast with the ABS community on Facebook. However, I think I was still living in my shame. They were bold and free and I was still finding ways to hide my hands. I was always good looking, so it was easy to let people focus on other parts of me. My parents never showed me the importance of being bold and not hiding. They didn’t know what to do with my deformity. I think they just pushed it out of their minds. They saw I was capable and they let it be. Now as God is calling me out about hiding. I feel that I must share.
I am very thankful for God touching my life, despite all of the pain and struggles. I still cling to hope, faith, belief in myself and it keeps me going. I pray that now I can truly be set free from the feelings of inadequacy and shame. I do not have to carry the guilt of my parents or their toxicity. I can move beyond that and be who I truly am! Everyday we are faced with choices, we must learn to lean into God’s leading. It’s in him that we have true freedom. Jesus changed my life and I will always tell of his goodness.
I am a walking miracle, not a curse! I am fearfully and wonderfully made! I have been talking to the little version of me a lot, apologizing to her and comforting her. She deserved better but Jesus has redeemed her life! She will use her voice and life to help others! I hope that you can take something from my story. I hope you learn to love yourself a little bit more, I hope you trust yourself. I hope you make living in the light a priority in the midst of a dark world. It is a pleasure to share my life and journey with the world. I have been blogging on WordPress for two years now! It has blessed me so much, I love reading your poems, stories and thoughts as well.
My sister and me, I remember the photographer told me to hide my hands out of the photo. My granny said no. “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.” (Genesis 50:20 NKJV)The little girl that used to look up to the moon and pray, before she even knew a God truly existed! I love you little girl, you are a blessing!
I think dancing is the most fun! I love a good dance party session! Music is my lifeblood, so anytime I can crank up some loud music, I’m probably gonna dance! I love to sing as well. Dancing has a way of touching your soul and lighting up your day and mood. I like all types of music it depends on the vibe that I want to go for.
Sometimes when I think of hitting my home gym, I roll my eyes. I love it once I’m in the moment, but getting the motivation to go down to my basement is another story! Music is a must when doing any type of exercise for me. If I’m not listening to music then I am following along with a workout video, and they usually include music too! Even in those videos, dancing is recommended throughout.
Dance can be a form of worship and praise, sometime we have to shake off the negativity. Right now, I’m listening to Elevation Worship. I had a dance party this morning with my son, because it’s his sixth birthday! He said it was the best day ever! That is reason enough to dance for me!
Then as I was doing my hair today, I was dancing! I am always trying to stay moving and active. It helps with all the stagnant energy. So in the words of Lee Ann Womack, “I hope you dance!” Choose to dance through all of it!
Soon your mourning will be turned into joy! 💖
Bubbles Dance Party! Happy Birthday to my baby boy!!
“Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28 ESV)
Yesterday was meant to be a joyous celebration but it felt heavy. Holidays like Easter, are supposed to be time with family and everyone is dressed up in their Sunday’s best. I was feeling tired but I pushed through and got to church. We were a few minutes late, and I felt myself getting frustrated. The church was packed because Easter and Christmas as these are the days that most people go to church, that don’t normally attend. First I took my five year old to class. Then I tried to get my three year old daughter to go to her class, but she had a meltdown. She screamed and cried so I took her into the sanctuary with my teen son and I.
We squeezed in next to a couple just as the first song was ending. I was sore and achy and just feeling sad because this is our first Easter in a new town, new church and we are away from family. Not to mention the separation from my husband and step children weighing heavily on my heart. I kept trying to find joy, sing and worship through my sadness. The service was great and afterwards we spoke to a few people we have met recently. My daughter was still feeling very fussy and I was already not feeling well myself so we left. I really wanted a photo but I knew it was a long shot trying to get the kids to cooperate.
We get to the photo setup and I asked the lady behind me to take the photo. My daughter starts crying again and refuses. I was embarrassed and frustrated. Little did I know the lady took the photo anyway, if I am honest I was annoyed by that. Why would you take a photo that was so terrible? Then it hit me, this was another test. I wanted the picture perfect, while God wanted the reality. He wants my truth, my realness, because suffering produces things that change you!
“The most beautiful people we have know are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.” -Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
It was all I could do not to break down in tears as we got into the car. I was angry like why couldn’t the day just have been joyous and smooth? I took the kids home, made them lunch and I went to my room. I really didn’t want to be around anyone, the weather was just as dreary as I felt. I had made God a promise that I would go to meet with him anyway. I did and it wasn’t anything special I prayed, and listened. I felt somewhat better afterwards. I knew I needed to grab something for dinner. I was kind of cruising around trying to decide what to eat. Then I saw a man that for some reason I was drawn to him.
This man was carrying a gigantic, black trash bag on his back. He was looking down only looking up to cross the street. His seemed so sad it was like I could feel his sadness. I drove by although I knew I had to turn around. I thought but what if he’s not actually homeless, rather just having a bad day? I don’t want to embarrass him God, I prayed as I turned back to find him.
I found him just at the entrance of a shopping center. I pulled in and pulled up next to him. I called out to him like three times, he didn’t even want to look at me. Finally, he did and I told him, “Keep your head up brother, it’s not over yet!” I handed him five bucks and drove away. I don’t even know why I chose those words. It was the only thing I could think to say, I was feeling sort of shy. I saw that he wore a beautiful platinum wedding band. Which was not something you normally see on a homeless person. So I began thinking maybe he’s just having a hard day.
As I drove away, I couldn’t stop the tears I was moved to so much compassion for this stranger. I prayed for him, not knowing his story and too scared to ask him. I knew I was to encounter that Middle Eastern man on that corner yesterday. God has a sense of humor for sure, I was feeling like him! I felt sad, unseen, shame, lonely, and all the above. I might have been in my nice car, nice clothes, but I was just as broken. I cannot judge his story for mine is still being written! I’m in a chapter I would rather skip right over!
I too have been carrying some heavy weights, on my back. Things that I really can’t even begin to explain. I felt like he was a mirror image of my own pain, but in a physical image. I could see me in his shoes. It was such a strange encounter I brushed it aside and went on. Then it began burning in my heart, I knew I had to share it. As I sat down wanting to articulate the experience I had another special encounter.
This time the encounter was much more personal. I was worshipping the other day downstairs in our office. I was looking at the books on the shelves thinking I need to read more of them. I saw one book in particular jump out at me. It was about grief and grieving. I said that I would read a few pages since this situation I am in feels like death. Death of a life I spent ten years building!
I sat down two days ago and read a few pages. I was pretty bummed by the book honestly. It was sad, and it felt heavy. I decided to try to keep going a little more. I found a quote that I like in the book. “If your writing doesn’t keep you up at night, it will never keep anyone else up either.” Then it talked about the silent grief we carry that we don’t often share with anyone. I got restless and couldn’t take the sadness, so I put it away.
I was so annoyed I even wrote in my journal that I didn’t want grief to have the final say over my story! I was feeling upbeat and I didn’t want to be blogged down by this lady who wrote this book and had it published with a friend, post- humorously. Little did I know, she is well known for her books on grief and death. Somehow I was meant to write this post, meet that man, and read her book! I love a good quote. As I was writing about the messy Easter photo, I wanted a quote to go with the picture.
I googled quotes about messiness of life and guess whose name comes up? Elisabeth Kubler-Ross! I didn’t think anything about it at that moment, I just prepared to write the quote down. However on the sight I was on it seemed part of the quote was cut off. So I clicked a link to see the full quote. In that moment her name popped out at me as familiar. I saw her picture at the link and didn’t think much. I decided to go ahead and just leave the quote as I found it. Then I glanced over to my left and I see her name on that stupid book!
OH MY GOD it cannot be! At first glance because the book is so old the cover didn’t show clearly her names so I brushed it off. Then something said look again. I looked and it was her indeed! Now I am freaking out! God I don’t know what you are saying, but I am listening. I am typing fast as I can to share this story! No one can tell me God does not exist and that angels are not present with us all the time! I’ve been embarrassed sharing personal details about me and my story but God keeps weighing on me to share.
Sometimes in the very dark places we have a hard time seeing the light but it’s always there. If you cannot see the light sometimes you have to TURN THE LIGHT ON and BE THE LIGHT! You can bring joy by illuminating someone else’s life! The man I saw yesterday, I hope I made him feel seen and encouraged. I will forever be a noticer of people and things its my gift. I love people and desire to know them and their stories.
My ability to see came from the place of constantly being unseen and ignored. I have a different level of empathy due to the trauma and suffering that I have endured throughout my life. Talk about beauty for ashes! Jesus shared this same ability. He saw the hurting, broken, and isolated. He healed them, loved them, and never turned them away. He sought them out! Thank you Lord for being “El Roi, “The God who sees.”
Thank you to Elisabeth, for her works that are still speaking far beyond her death! She died in 2004, at the age of 78.
This book doesn’t even belong to me it was a book from my husband’s ex that she left when she moved out! I kept her books because of my own love of books!
“Then little children were brought to Him that He might put His hands on them and pray, but the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.” And He laid His hands on them and departed from there.” Matthew 19:13-15 NKJV
If you know anything about children, they have a spirit that’s so inspiring. They are full of ideas, passions, creativity, questions, energy, and joy! Many times we discredit children, and don’t realize how much they pay attention. They are little wells of knowledge! My children have floored me many times with their questions that stop me in my tracks. Jesus’s desire for all of us that we would be like children in our faith. Not immature but rather full of expectancy, wonder, trust, and dependency upon God. This kind of faith is what moves the hand of God.
When we begin to trust God in a deeper way it changes the way that we worry. We see problems as being smaller and realize that our God is much bigger. We love deeper because we don’t fear rejection, criticisms, or being vulnerable. When we take our kids to the park, they may start out sort of shy, but eventually they go up and begin joining in playing with the other kids. Or there are times they go right into it as if they have known the other children their whole lives!
I can say that the times when I trusted in this manner, I received way more than I expected! What are you believing God for? Have you asked him or are you too blogged down with fear, shame, regret, or doubts? As Jesus would say, “ Oh you of little faith!” If only we would just believe that we can have what we ask for in prayer as long as we believe! As long as it coincides with God’s eternal will and purpose; then friend it can be yours! Will you join me in asking today?
There is something so beautiful about seeing a child come into faith for themselves. When its no longer mom or dad’s faith, but they take ownership and it comes to life for them. That’s exactly what I am witnessing in the life of my children! I am so inspired by it and honestly in a hard season like this one, it feels like kisses from heaven! The seeds we plant take root when we continue in the good work. When we keep sharing our faith stories, the word of God, and our worship; we are cultivating faith to grow.
The other day, my five year old son was sad, so I sang him so worship songs and later he came back and said, “Mom I’m crying happy tears.” I asked him why and he said very plainly. “Because of Jesus.” It warmed my heart to hear. Lately I have been praying with him a lot more and teaching him how to pray for others. He wakes us each day making up his own worship songs! My heart is bursting with pride! The seed of faith planted way before I ever held him in my arms, God did that. My part was to cultivate that faith and help it to grow deeper.
Now since I have teenagers too, it can be hard to get them to open up. Sometimes they are struggling to find themselves and where they fit into the world. Teens often can be a bit rebellious because they are proving their independence. Well despite my teen son’s push back, I have started having him read the Bible to me daily. It’s my favorite part of the morning. I love hearing him, learn and connect with God’s word.
Jayce has a love for football, he has always dreamed to be in the NFL. However as I parent I always tell him to keep an open mind and let God lead him to what’s best. He started playing flag football when he was five and moved on to tackle when he was seven. These past two seasons he had to sit out because of schedule conflicts with his sister’s gymnastics and we also moved out of state. He was depressed, but I told him that you have to be patient. This year he asked if he could play, I said yes. Jayce is homeschooled and he’s often complained that he hasn’t gotten to play for a school team.
About a month ago, he asked me to email one of the coaches from the local high school. I did and we never heard anything back. He kept searching and seeking. He met some boys that play for that team and they told him that off-season workouts are currently being held. He kept getting online, calling the school trying his best to get in touch with someone. Finally after sending a email to another resource he got a response. The special moment, he immediately called me, I could hear the excitement in his voice, but I wasn’t sure if it was good or bad. He wanted to read it to me while on the phone. I had been out in nature praying and thinking. It was such a beautiful moment, I quickly got off the phone because I was crying. He didn’t know, but I was so happy it was just another kiss from heaven.
The night before, we had just watched Facing The Giants, a faith-based football movie. It’s about facing adversity in hard times with courage and faith. Everything in this life is full of synchronicities if we will only pay attention. I find that we are much more aware in the hard seasons because we are seeking answers to the hard questions. Why is this happening to me? Did I do something wrong? Will this battle ever end? Can God really hear me? On and on our questions piling up in our mind. In that special moment, I was so proud of my son, he was learning to fight for things he wants on his own. He’s learning to pray and have faith!
I really wanted to finish this blog last night, but I suppose today it is flowing out much better. I was anxious about seeing my husband last night. The encounters though are brief they are very hard. The kids don’t understand all that has transpired and I am still so disappointed and hurt. My hurt and grief, quickly turn to anger; the longer I am in his presence. We left both frustrated, our love still lingering, but neither having the energy to fight for it anymore. I was able to show him that I taught our little son The Lord’s Prayer, and that alone was worth it!
“and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:3 NKJV
This season feels somehow sacred, I am in tune with myself in ways I haven’t been in years! I hear my voice and I hear God’s much more clearly. I know that I am being shaped and molded by what feels like tragedy. I sometimes still in frustration question, why God hasn’t just fixed this marriage for me, like so many other miracles and answered prayers! However each day I learn to surrender my will to his. I have cried day after day, each time it feels different. Sometimes it feels like release, others like violence in my stomach, then a quiet resolve. These tears are sacred!
In this season, I am deepening my faith. I am becoming like a child reaching out for God to pick me up into his arms and kiss my wounds. His great love and care showering on me and in return I offer him praise and adoration. And like a child, I am learning to depend on his guidance in a new way. How can you today lean into that child-like faith? Maybe it looks like chasing those talents God has given you with blind surrender. Or maybe it looks like going back again and looking for the answer in prayer.
Children are persistent, my son asked for candy a few minutes ago. I told him to wait, he lingered as if waiting for me to do it right then. Then he came back and asked again! I finally stopped my typing and went downstairs to get the candy. His pleading eyes looking into mine. That’s how I want Jesus to see me in the moment. Time and time again he leans in to my cries and answers. My son got his candy and all is right in his little world. What sweet treat will you ask the Lord of all for today? In all our questions and concerns we can sometimes forget to just be with God.
I have been challenged to sit before the Lord, day after day. I say my spill as if he hasn’t heard it all before! Then I sit there, fidgety and restless under the weight of silence. The longer I sit the more sacred the silence becomes. Then very quietly I hear him. Usually it’s a simple phrase and then back to silence. God isn’t in the loud, chaotic or noisy. He speaks in a still, small, voice. Can you hear him? Have you paused today, to just be held by a loving Father?
This Holy Week has been unlike any other for me. I feel the weight of his pain on the cross, I can taste the saltiness of his tears in that garden on that lonely night, and I can hear the cries of his agony on the cross. It’s as if I am right there, I’ve heard this story all my life! Now I get it, what it truly means.
“For the Son of Man came to seek and save the lost.” (Luke 19:10 ESV).
As we are entering into Holy Week, we will hear a lot about Jesus’s death, burial, and resurrection. However, I want to tell you about something that often gets missed in all of the miracles, healings, and great power of Jesus. He is an incredible Savior, who gave all that he had for us, I’m not downplaying any of that. I just want to encourage your hearts about the beauty of his humanity, that existed within his divine authority. Jesus never sinned in his thirty-three years that he walked the Earth.
This is where we begin to think, well Jesus had it easier than us he’s a divine being! Yes, he was the Son of God and was not born into our same sinful nature, but he had conscious choices just like us. Remember in Luke 22, Jesus says, “Not my will but yours be done.” His night in the garden before his death, this time is often referred to as a wrestling in the Spirit. That same feeling we have too, the weight of our own moral choices. He also said that his life wasn’t taken from him, but he willingly laid it down. (John 10:18). We often miss how much his humanity affected him.
Things Jesus Did While On Earth:
He wept. (John 11:35)
He celebrated. He celebrated at a wedding, and even did a miracle for them when they ran out of wine. This was his first miracle. He celebrated all the Jewish Holidays.
He danced. (We know weddings are joyous celebrations)
He ate and had times of hunger. “Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And when He had fasted forty days and forty nights, afterward He was hungry.” Matthew 4:1-2 NKJV
He slept. “And a great windstorm arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that it was already filling. But He was in the stern, asleep on a pillow. And they awoke Him and said to Him, “Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?”” Mark 4:37-38 NKJV
He got tired. “Now Jacob’s well was there. Jesus therefore, being wearied from His journey, sat thus by the well. It was about the sixth hour.” John 4:6 NKJV
He bled. “But one of the soldiers pierced His side with a spear, and immediately blood and water came out.” John 19:34 NKJV
He grew and matured. “And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.” Luke 2:52 NKJV
He got angry. “And when He had looked around at them with anger, being grieved by the hardness of their hearts, He said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” And he stretched it out, and his hand was restored as whole as the other.” Mark 3:5 NKJV
He felt betrayal. “Then Judas Iscariot, one of the twelve, went to the chief priests to betray Him to them.” Mark 14:10 NKJV
Jesus was thirsty. “After this, Jesus, knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the Scripture might be fulfilled, said, “I thirst!”” John 19:28 NKJV
The life of Jesus was full of ups and downs like all of us. He embraced his humanity, while still staying fully committed to His Father. I saw a video where a guy said, I see why Jesus is the mediator between us and God the Father. He said, because God don’t play! He killed people dead in their tracks for simple acts of disobedience! However, in Jesus we have the heart of the Father. The way a Father feels towards his precious children. The grace, forgiveness, and reconciliation. God the Father and Jesus are One, but distinct personalities.
Jesus’s susceptibility to temptation makes him highly relatable. When we read the account of his life we see he experienced a variety of emotions. Jesus is often seen as our Big Brother, who goes to the Father on our behalf. He is able to express to his Father what we are dealing with and is moved to compassion. Even while being horrifically murdered, he has compassion on his attackers. “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” He never sinned but he became sin, and laid his life down for our lives to be spared! We are just foolish sheep, always going astray and he is our Great Shepherd.
How did Jesus remain faithful under temptation?
He expected insults, slander, and hate. He was never shocked by it. He never retaliated, he stayed quiet or answered matter-of-factly. He spoke with authority and with the word of God.
He taught by using stories. It made things easier to understand.
He knew the importance of small group fellowship. His followers were 12 men. He spent day to day life with them.
He loved and welcomed children, he didn’t turn them away. He listened to them and encouraged them. He told us that we need to be more like them!
He knew he was misunderstood. The Bible says, “My people are a peculiar people.” He encouraged us not to try and fit in, because we are not meant to.
He made prayer, and alone time a priority.
He withdrew when weak. He took time to rest and recharge before returning to work.
Jesus modeled The Way we should live, and we have his accounts to relate to. It reminds us of how much we are loved, for our God to come down and walk amongst us in our form! Jesus always obeyed God, but he was learning too.
“For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.” Hebrews 4:15 NKJV Jesus’s humanity gave us a beautiful picture of how our lives can be when we walk in obedience. We will see amazing things, and reach a lost and dying world. Even when he was resurrected he still had his scars, and wounds intact. Why did he not have a renewed body? He bore the physical proof of a love that could not be stopped by the power of death and sin! Friends we are loved beyond our own comprehension!
I hope you are encouraged to love Jesus even deeper this week. I hope you are reminded of the great lengths our God went through to have us to himself. I hope that in his likeness you see yourself. Then know how special we truly are, even in all of our human weaknesses.
This photo was taken on Mother’s Day 2023, it was a happy day. My Aunt Debbie was making me laugh and I was full of joy with my new baby girl! She was one month old in this photo. My children are my joy!
Today, I am struggling to hold on to joy. The enemy has been fighting me night and day. Sending his threats, taunts, accusations, and fear. I’m leaving my husband whom I’ve been with for ten years. However, my heart cannot take another act of violence from the hands that are supposed to protect me, another lie, or another betrayal! Anyway the focus of this message is to give God the glory! Faith is tested through fire, and I pray I survive this to tell you all of his goodness YET again!
Many times throughout the Bible you see men and women from all walks of life going through heavy, sad, dark and depressing things. Sometimes it was their sin that lead to the consequences and others it was from the actions of others. Sometimes it’s merely a test of faith! All of our lives have been touched by tragedy in some form or another. It is all apart of the human experience. We live in a fallen world, and sin is now praised at an all time high.
God has a way of bringing little bits of joy in the midst of suffering. God brings laughter to those who thought they would never smile again.
Let’s dive into the word and find some joy to cling to for when the trials of life come.
There was a man named Job in the Bible, he was a godly and upright man. However, Satan came to God and said that the only reason Job was so good was because of his great wealth, and blessings. Satan asks God if he can tempt Job. Notice Satan immediately brought accusations against Job, that he had no proof of being true. Our enemy is the Father of Lies, and an accuser of the children of God. His hatred knows no bounds! God being all knowing, grants the request of Satan. At first glance this seems unfair and cruel for God to allow such! We must remember that God sees things from beginning to end. He already knows how our lives will pan out long before we do!
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While Satan was rubbing his hands together in satisfaction, God was laughing on the inside. God knows that he has already planned to vindicate, prosper, and restore all that Job lost. Job lost his children, livestock, servants, health, and wealth. Job was in deep despair, but God gives him double what he had before after the time of testing. This changed Job forever, grief changes people, sickness changes people, isolation changes people. However, Job still clung to his faith, although it was really hard.
Job’s friends are trying to be supportive, but eventually even they abandoned Job. They truly believed that God only brought punishment for sins, and they too accused Job. They had experienced God’s goodness and in their mind if Job would fess up then his laughter would be restored. Job’s joy was indeed restored, and how much richer and deeper were those blessings after all he endured to enjoy them. Have you ever felt wrongly accused or alone in suffering?
“He will yet fill your mouth with laughing, And your lips with rejoicing.” (Job 8:21 NKJV)
Let’s talk about Sarah, the wife of Abraham who was called The Father of Many Nations! Father, a title Abraham longed to possess, as he and Sarah had been unable to conceive for many years. They had reached old age and were still childless. One day God tells Abraham that he is going to allow them to conceive a son one day. He didn’t exactly say when and that must have been so hard to know a promise in your heart, but yet to have seen it come to pass! Soon afterwards, three divine beings came to confirm this message to Abraham. They tell him, “Sarah will have a son, at this same time the next year. Sarah overhears this conversation between her husband and these angelic beings. Here is her response:
“Now Abraham and Sarah were old, well advanced in age; and Sarah had passed the age of childbearing. Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, “After I have grown old, shall I have pleasure, my Lord being old also?” And the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh, saying, ‘Shall I surely bear a child, since I am old?’ Is anything too hard for the Lord? At the appointed time I will return to you, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son.” But Sarah denied it, saying, “I did not laugh,” for she was afraid. And He said, “No, but you did laugh!”” (Genesis 18:11-15 NKJV)
Friends I am here to tell you firsthand, I have been guilty of the same! I have heard God whisper his word to me, I’ve seen his miracles, I’ve heard his voice in dreams, and I’ve seen my night visions come to pass! And yet like Sarah, I have sarcastically disagreed with the promises of God. Why because I am human and so are you! We have moments when we doubt ourselves and God! Sarah had let the dream die, she no longer clung to hope and yet God still kept his covenant! Sarah wasn’t the only one struggling to believe Abraham too doubted here’s his own initial response:
“Then God said to Abraham, “As for Sarai your wife, you shall not call her name Sarai, but Sarah shall be her name. And I will bless her and also give you a son by her; then I will bless her, and she shall be a mother of nations; kings of peoples shall be from her.” Then Abraham fell on his face and laughed, and said in his heart, “Shall a child be born to a man who is one hundred years old? And shall Sarah, who is ninety years old, bear a child?”” Genesis 17:15-17 NKJV
Mind you not only has Sarah already given her husband over to another woman to conceive a child, through her servant. They are very old! Their surrogate child is a teenager already! Sarah was bitter and tried so hard to fix things by doing this foolish thing. This only brought more pain. Then finally, they get the baby they have longed for all these years! Here is how she reacted to God’s wonderful promise!
“And Sarah said, “God has made me laugh, and all who hear will laugh with me.” She also said, “Who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would nurse children? For I have borne him a son in his old age.”” Genesis 21:6-7 NKJV
God gave them a joy that created a legacy, a future, and a powerful testimony!
Have you ever felt like something that you have been praying for will never happen? Have you ever been so low that you thought to give up believing and play it safe, and stay in only your logical mind? No longer looking for miracles, and seeing them as old, foolish bedtime stories? Friend pick your faith back up! God is still in the miracle working business!
Let’s look at a few more verses about the joy God can bring.
“Blessed are you who hunger now, For you shall be filled. Blessed are you who weep now, For you shall laugh.” Luke 6:21 NKJV All day yesterday I had to fight to keep the tears at bay, I felt a deep sorrow come over me. My thoughts racing a mile a minute, with how will things workout, will I ever be a peace again? The loneliness heavy on my shoulders. I pressed on, I had my teen son come and read his Bible chapter to me. As soon as he shut my bedroom door, I ran to my closet and fell on my face and wept. I prayed the best I could, but my breath was caught in my agony. After I released the tears, I got up and resolved to keep going! As I opened the closet door I heard, “God has given me laughter.” I heard it in my inner spirit. I was confused, but I instantly thought of Sarah! All day today I was burning with it, I knew I had to write about it.
When I was a young girl, I dreamed of being in a very large and very tall tower, and my parents were looking for me and calling out to me. I was sitting at an office desk while in this tower, and I remember seeing like the phone and stuff. I always wanted to be a secretary when I grew up. Then as I heard their calls, I went to the door of this structure the door was already open because that’s how it looks in real life. This tower is in my town of my birth. It’s a very real place. I look over the edge and they ask me, “Marissa, how did you get up there?” Instead of answering them I begin laughing hysterically.
I knew I was called by God, from a child but never could understand why. Why would you want me? God gave me laughter many times! Still all these years I have been searching for that place! A place where I am finally safe from all of my pain, all the weights of my past. God bring me laughter!
“A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones.” Proverbs 17:22 NKJV Know this friend, God is not a respecter of persons, meaning he doesn’t withhold his goodness from anyone that is willing to come to him. God sends the rain for the good and bad people because of his great love! He never changes he is the same today, tomorrow, and forever.
I am getting tired and need to get to bed, but I hope that you will muster up faith for your own life, or stand in faith for someone else! Don’t let God pass you by, reach out and see for yourself.
“Then our mouth was filled with laughter, And our tongue with singing. Then they said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.”” Psalms 126:2 NKJV
If you are anything like me, there will be times when its hard to pray this “Thy Will Be Done.” I have always liked to have my hand on the wheel, and try and control things. We know that God has a way of challenging us to do things that are very outside our comfort zone. For me one of those things has been public speaking. When I was a teenager at Sunday School, we would study a lesson, and Bible verse each week. Then we had to get in front of all the adults and do our review of the lesson.
By nature I prefer not to be the center of attention and speaking publicly can be nerve wrecking. However, each Sunday God gave me the strength and courage to get up there. Our teen class was often made up of just me and this guy Michael. I thank God, for those years because it really helped me learn the Bible. Unfortunately I suspect that God is going to require more public speaking of me. I hope that I can make him proud and do a good job! What is something out of your comfort zone that you felt God leading you into?
Jesus experienced a moment of deep human sorrow and feeling uncomfortable with God’s will. He had to wrestle with his fear and sorrow to get aligned with God’s will. Before his betrayal, he prayed in the garden of Gethsemane. Jesus feels the weight of the task before him. Sometimes the very thing God asks of us can be a heavy or daunting task. Jesus being fully human in this moment wanted comfort and yet found none. All he could do was fall on his face before His father.
“And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, ‘My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.’”
Then there is Moses, whom God calls from a burning bush to be his messenger. He is to go back to the very place he’s running from and deliver a message to the Pharaoh! He asks God “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?” Exodus 3:11 (ESV) He had every excuse and yet God said, GO! Have you ever felt unqualified for a job, career move, business idea?
You are not alone! I just talked to a girl who does my eyebrows and she told me how she was scared to take the leap and go into business for herself. She said the clients are coming in faster than she expected! I assured her that faith is just like that!
God I cannot see the way, but I know you are the way! Many times our blessings are waiting just on the other side of our obedience to God’s will. I have to ask God for courage all the time! Courage to keep ministering to people, sharing my stories, testimonies, videos, prayers, messages, etc. I often hear the taunts of my own doubts, naysayers, enemies, and fears! The walk with Jesus, is no easy feat! It takes courage to move when we cannot see the whole picture. Have you ever had a big decision to make and you were afraid of the outcomes, how did you get through it?
Then there is little teenage King David, who has bravely volunteered to fight Goliath, the GIANT! David was fully confident that God was with him and he would succeed. I’m sure he too had to shake off the fear that was trying to creep in his mind. Not to mention there is a huge man taunting you and you are a small kid with nothing but a few stones and a slingshot! David relied on God’s strength to carry him to victory!
“Then David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword and with a spear and with javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel whom you have defied.” (1 Samuel 17:45-47)
I am feeling pressured by so many things these days. I want very much to be the woman God has called me to be. It seems like the more I try the harder the battles are getting! Battles for my heart and mind. I feel like I am facing some real opposition, but like these pioneers of faith I MUST STAND! I have been given authority and I must use what has been given and walk forward! I will not go back into the same ole patterns and lifestyles that kept me stuck! I am going to stand up and fight alongside God. Have you ever felt like your back was against the wall and you didn’t know what to do?
The spiritual realm is at war all the time, there is a battle taking place, the forces of evil and darkness; warring against the children of God and our Lord himself! Friends whether you decided to join the fight or not you are already involved in it! I hope you choose to do the will of God. I hope you choose to resist the darkness of this world! I hope you choose to expose the evil deeds and be a light shining bright!
I started this post, feeling the weights and pressure heavily like Jesus in the garden, but now I am fired up! The reminder of those great men in the Bible that chose to do the right thing in the face of evil! Let YOUR WILL BE DONE FATHER! I know the victory has already been won!
I hope I was able to give you a bit of encouragement in your own endeavors and battles! Happy Reading & God bless!
“For God so LOVED the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16 ESV).
Do you remember the first time you fell in love? Or the first time you held your child in your arms? What about the first time you learned to love yourself? Love is such a beautiful, all encompassing feeling; rather an action I should say! It must go beyond feelings for it to be real! Why is it more than feelings? Simply because people that we love are fallible. Sometimes we struggle to find ourselves lovable when we have made so many mistakes or sometimes for many it’s based on our looks. Love is worth more than gold!
The first introduction to pure LOVE was when I met Jesus. It was as if I was so special and unique. This love is available for all of us! The great part about having the love and affection from a God that is omnipotent (All-powerful), omnipresent (Everywhere), omniscient (All-knowing) is that it’s always available. Sometimes I have a hard time wrapping my head around these truths. Where can we go to depart from his presence? Have you ever had lonely times? I know I have but yet in reality I was never actually alone, just lacked faith!
(Isaiah 41:10 ESV) “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Why do we forget that God is with us? Probably because our tendency as humans to hide. We often hide when we are hurt, feeling lost, in trouble, walking in sin, or feeling forgotten. Jesus himself had a moment like this, when he was on the cross. He felt the heavy weight of our sins upon him, and for the first time he couldn’t feel His father’s presence! The son of God, felt forgotten by God! “Eloi Eloi, lama sabahthani?” meaning: “My God, My God. Why have you forsaken me?” He was in raw, pure human emotion as he lay dying upon that rugged cross!
Jesus is fully acquainted with the human condition, that’s why God sent him into the world. The only way for us to be reconciled back to God the Father. Can you imagine the feeling of utter helplessness? Now imagine how God the Father felt? He gave what was precious and dear to Him, for our salvation. I know I couldn’t do it! If I was told I had to take the life of my own child to save the lives of many, I’m sorry y’all would be done! Yet this is exactly the kind of love that changes lives! The sacrificial love, that steps willing in to shield you from the death we deserved. Thank you Jesus!
How many times in frustration have we felt the weight of abandonment? We lost something dear to us and it felt like the sun would not shine again. Or maybe you chose to forgive someone who hurt you and the pain cut so deep, but you still showed love and kindness. Our suffering cannot compare to the horrors Jesus endured on that fateful day! And yet he never mocks us in our suffering although his trumps ours. He listens patiently, he responds lovingly, and he gives strength to endure it. I know where you have been and I am with you through it all.
“The LORD appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.” (Jeremiah 31:3 ESV)
Whatever you are walking through today, know this you are not alone! You have the love of a God that supersedes all our human relationships. His phone is never dead or on DND, and his heart is always towards you. He will be there in the highs and low; faithful to your cause. If you are feeling sad, trust that the sun will shine again. If you are riding high, know that the lows will come again, such is life. However, the love of Jesus will be available to walk you through each and every season. Friend, you cannot earn this love, for it was freely given. The Bible says that none have chosen, him but that it was Him who called us unto himself.
I hope this encouraged your heart, a little something to take with you for the rest of this week! YOU ARE PERFECTLY LOVED! Happy Reading & God Bless!
“A teacher plants the seeds of knowledge, sprinkles them with love, and patiently nurtures their growth.”
I was about twelve I guess, I had social studies in the portable trailer behind the school building. My teacher was Ms. Lawson, she was a young teacher I think she had only been teaching for a few years. I had no qualms about her I thought she was pretty with her bright blue eyes. The first several weeks were uneventful. At this age, I was quite the chatterbox at school and loved to goof off with my friends.
It was in her class, that we learned that the Twin Towers had been bombed. I remember she wheeled out the tv and let us watch as the horrors unfolded. We all had no idea what this would bring. I always enjoyed her class she was strict but fun. I didn’t realize that she would impact my life so much. There are many moments that shape a child’s development. I really never took school too seriously. I did enough to get by, although I was pretty smart. I never tried too hard at anything and would give up easily.
I don’t have a competitive spirit, I have a determined spirit though. I am the type of person who will prove you wrong if you challenge me, but without a challenge I don’t care too much. I now know why I never really tried too hard, because I had no one pushing me. By the time I was in her class, my parents were broken up and I lived with just my dad and I. He rarely talked to me, it was like living with a roommate rather than a father. He would go to work very early in the morning and come home. He would make us dinner or sometimes I would eat whatever was there. He never asked if I had dinner, showered, or did my homework. I was left to my own vices and it was quite lonely.
My life had always been spent trying to stay out of the way and not be a burden. I would do the best I could with my homework and spent a lot of time reading fictional books and writing stories. My dad spent his time between various women, so many I couldn’t count! They would come over, some to never be seen again and some would stick around for months. I didn’t participate in any extra curricular activities because when I asked I was told no. He said we couldn’t afford it but in reality, he used his money to impress women.
Those days spent at school were an escape from the lonely home life. I remember one day the music teacher Mr. Howard, asked if any kids were interested in joining the choir. I saw a few of my friends were going to go and I decided to go too! The weird thing was that the auditions were during Ms. Lawson’s class time. So when I went in the music room to audition, I was shocked to see Ms. Lawson storm in there. She marched up to me and said something to the effect “Marissa, you need to come back to class right now, you are just wanting to goof off and miss my class!”
I was embarrassed a bit, that she called me out like that in front of my peers! However, it felt more motherly rather than spiteful. She saw that I was following rather than choosing a goal for my life. I wasn’t failing her class, I had a C average. I couldn’t argue with her because she was right. I did want to play around and not be in her class. This encounter fired me up, I was determined to show her I could do her little class quite well! By the time the next report card came out I had brought my grade up to an A!
I remember we had a big test over all the state capitals and states, we had to know all of them. I passed the test with flying colors, I felt so good! Then she sent a flyer home that we were going to have an awards ceremony coming up. I told my parents about it and asked if they would come. My dad said no, he had to work and my mom was always late to everything and she didn’t make it either. I was disappointed that I had no family there but wasn’t too shocked. As I said before, school wasn’t a big deal in my upbringing and that’s how my parents were raised too.
The lights in the auditorium went dark and the ceremony began. They went through all subjects and grades of middle school. When I saw Ms. Lawson get up I wasn’t thinking anything of it. She started to talk about a student who worked hard to turn their grades around. I don’t remember all that she said, but I remember that she got very emotional about it. When she called my name I was shocked. I never won anything, I was always in the background of life. I couldn’t believe that I was the most improved student! I had worked hard and actually had something to show for it!
I think that so many children have stories like mine, the parents aren’t really pouring into them as they should. They may be ignored or overlooked and it takes a special teacher to see that. To see a student for who they can become, an decided to take action. Ms. Lawson gave me the harsh, but loving encouragement that I so desperately needed. I could have been an all star student with a bit of extra time and attention. I am so grateful for her seeing me! I actually was able to join the Jr Beta Club after this situation. My grades were good and I felt very proud. I had all A’s & B’s for that year.
Reach out and touch someone’s life you never know the impact!
I like to think of myself as a noticer, I always try and see people. The forgotten, lonely, and broken and be that friendly face. So many people lack the love that some are so accustomed to and we need people! Let’s be like that for someone this week! Take the extra time to listen, notice, encourage, and uplift others! I pray that Ms. Lawson is still making an impact for others!
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