John 15:5 ESV
I had a great weekend, but Saturday an unexpected thing happened and it really caught me off guard! I acted out of emotion and frustration. I blew up because for one, I was hungry and tired. I had just heard a sermon on Friday about the importance of HALT: No getting too hungry, too angry, too lonely or too tired! I guess you can say I bombed when that temptation to react in the wrong way presented itself. Familiar ways of handling situations really need to be evaluated. We often relate to the world through our lens of what we have been through. I grew up in a great deal of violence and conflict. I learned to be reactive, argumentative, and destructive. I tried to bottle the anger over the years and it would end up exploding worse!
James 1:19 ESV
The turning point in unlearning these behaviors comes from identifying them and learning to choose differently. I was ashamed how quickly that I lost control of the anger. I spoke with harsh angry words, and I was shaking with the rage. I realize as I evaluate the situation that the emotion it came from fear. I was panicked because I was in the middle of nowhere trying to pick up my teen son. I was supposed to meet at a certain time to get him.
At the last minute, he changed the time and I was already at the meeting place at the agreed upon time. I was starving and had waited to eat because I wanted to go out eat with him. Suddenly all communication stopped, I waited and waited. As I checked his location to see if maybe I should grab a snack from the gas station. I see that the location shows he still had not left from where he was, and mind you this way over an hour away! It had been forty minutes and I began to get anxious.
I called and texted him and it kept saying undelivered! I had no idea if he was coming or where he was at! I tried to reach the mother of his friend but could not get her either! As the minutes passed I had no idea what to do! I got more and more angry. I thought maybe I should go get food and come back, I tried to calm down, but I just didn’t understand why I couldn’t get a hold of him. Finally he texted and said he had been trying to call me! He kept texting me and I kept trying to call him to no avail. When I finally saw him I snapped at him and yelled all the way home. He became angry at my reaction. I thought he was lying about the phone issues because lately he has been really pushing boundaries and getting in trouble.
The Holy Spirit wanted me to calm down, but I wanted to be angry! I felt justified in my anger! Have you ever felt this way? Finally, I listened enough to him and realized that he was telling the truth. We had recently changed his phone number and the process was not fully complete so basically his phone only worked on WiFi or in an area with strong signal. I felt so bad for not listening to him and I immediately apologized. I realized that is why it’s so important to check our anger because it can be distorted. As I am working to heal from all of my trauma and abuse I have to unlearn so much.
That night I felt really down about it because it felt like a setback to all the work I have been doing on healing and unlearning. However, the Lord gently reminded me of the growth that is there despite my disappointment. This used to be the very thing that would cause me to run from God and stay bound in sin. I would fall and feel so unworthy, ashamed, and defeated. I felt trapped by sin and I would think what is the point? Have you ever had something you struggle with and it feels like it will always be there? Maybe it’s not anger but overeating, cussing, lying, gossiping, porn addiction, drug or alcohol addiction, etc. I am not here to accuse or shame you.
I want to encourage you not to give up! You can be set free! We may wrestle with sin, but we can continue to work at it! The winning moment of this story was when I woke up yesterday still thinking about it that I took it to God again. I knew God had forgiven me, but I was struggling to forgive myself! Then he gently reminded me the truth!
- His grace is sufficient. “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV - Jesus is committed to our success. “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”
Philippians 1:6 ESV - He is steadfast and unmovable. “The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.”
Psalm 103:8 ESV - God doesn’t run away because of our unholiness, he is our Father. “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:38-39 ESV - Satan is a liar and he keeps us stuck in shame, guilt, and regret. “You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”
John 8:44 ESV - The price of sins has been paid, all we need to do is accept the payment. “But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.”
Isaiah 53:5 ESV - Don’t get stuck in cycles recognize it and keep going. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”
2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV - Accept that we are weak but he is our strength. “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”
Psalm 46:1 ESV - Nothing I ever do can earn his goodness and faithfulness. “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,”
Ephesians 2:8 ESV - God knows we have nothing to truly offer him and yet he still wants us. “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”
Matthew 5:3 ESV - Repent quickly, apologize, and forgive often. “Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out,”
Acts 3:19 ESV - “and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”
Matthew 6:12 ESV - Our only mission is to abide in him! “And now, little children, abide in him, so that when he appears we may have confidence and not shrink from him in shame at his coming.”
1 John 2:28 ESV
I sit here with a grateful heart for a loving God that doesn’t give up on me! He continues to mold, correct, and uplift me! I realized that in my failure that I was able to see these scriptures come to life in a new way. I realized what it means to abide in Him, to stop running away in guilt and shame. I turned to him each time instead of continue in sin. I admitted my wrongs, I apologized and I made things right with my son. I can admit so many times in my life the devil had me bound in selfish pride and I would do things like that and not apologize or make true amends. I would hide from God in fear of his rebuke.
God wants you to come to him in all your messiness and give it to him. Tell him your struggles and keep showing up each day. I felt so much peace after I prayed and acknowledged the truth of God’s word! His word has power of my doubts and his word reminds me that he alone is my righteousness! I was completely loved and welcomed. It’s it the turning, repenting, surrendering , and acknowledging that we find true freedom. What lies do you need to lay down? You are worthy! You are enough! Your inadequacies are not a reflection of your value. May you get the truth in your heart today.
John 13:34 ESV
After the big blow up and apology my son rushed into my arms and hugged me and he apologized for his part in the conflict. I knew in the moment that I had been forgiven. He saw my weakness and I was met with grace. Jesus wants to rush and hug you today!
Happy Reading & God Bless! All rights reserved. ShilohRose77©️
Shiloh Rose Archive 
Leave a comment