Shiloh Rose Archive

It’s funny how when you move to a new place you never really know what to expect! I have moved to somewhere that has a completely different climate than where I am from. It’s kind of driving me nuts, because it’s dark, gray, and much colder! I have never seen this much snow in my life! It has snowed at least once a week since like November! I can say, I do not love the cold but I must say the snow is exquisite. I feel like I am in a movie or something!

This season of life has been hard because when you make big life changes, it seems life hits you with bigger lessons! It seems as of late, I am confronted with who I want to become. I have be convicted by my own spirit, because I have become complacent. That’s when life hits you with some hard truths. We must continue to grow, learn, heal, adapt, because the person we desire to be requires work! I have learned that some people are not willing to put in that kind of effort. I think some just hide behind vices instead of confront what they already know.

What kind of God would give us wisdom, guidance, and teaching lessons and not expect us to change? That would be silly. That’s the thing, the trials and wrong turns are to teach us to rise above. We learn new methods to evolve. Sometimes the growing pains seem very unfair. Hey, if you are nodding your head to this just stick with me. God can often seem so unjust! There I said it, because I think we all experience moments of feeling like God has went blind. The turmoil in the US can make us all question GOD! But instead of shaking our fists we must hit our knees and ask what he is teaching us from these crazy circumstances.

God gave us incredible resilience and determination. Unfortunately, we sharpen those skills in the middle of the battle. There will be loss, but we can decide how to accept the losses. That is the part that I keep tripping over on! I admit that I want to know what God is up to when it comes to my life! I know I have experienced the love, comfort, and peace of God. That’s why I continue to go back to prayer, the scriptures and worship. It’s something that was always inside of me. I always belonged to Him. These battles are tough, and I wonder if I am getting the upper hand? I will myself to trust his plan over and over. Does that make me foolish?

“The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.” -Winston Churchill

The snow was inspiring, it reminded me of new beginnings. I experience that because I took a risk, and trusted. Don’t mind me, I am just pre-gaming myself to take more risks! To make each day count for something! The snow was so inviting soft, pure, gentle, quiet. I laid down in a huge pile of snow and it felt so good. The moment reminded me that I still have so much life to experience! I admit that I have often let fear tell me outcomes that probably wont even happen. The big WHAT IF’s are always there when you want to embark on something new. WHAT IF it is going to work out just fine?

In my life right now, I have a predicament that I really want to resolve but have been so afraid of outcomes. I have allowed myself to become paralyzed by the wrong thinking. This is my way of giving myself a good pep talk! I use what I am going through to help relate to others. I share these stories in hopes, that you will breathe easier knowing you are not alone. This life can be so uncertain.

“If uncertainty is unacceptable to you, it turns to fear. If it is perfectly acceptable, it turns into increased aliveness, alertness, and creativity.” _Eckhart Tolle

The more that we resist the changes, the harder it becomes. I have stayed too long in this place. I think that my need for controlling outcomes has cost me dearly! Lord, please help me to keep moving forward. I do not want to miss out on great things based on assumptions. What brave step are you wanting to take in your own life? Is there something you are refusing to see? Or am I on an island of my own? I admit the more I reflect, on the journey it was in those risky moments that I often found myself in a really good place! Not all risks will pan out though, and we must learn to take one to the chin!

Is this just the babbling of a mad woman, or am I on to something ? I like to think that each time I sit down to do this, that I have something to offer the world. This is a safe space for me, but it can be risky. To share one’s hopes, dreams, aspirations, trauma, grief, etc. with the world is hard. That’s why I often go on hiatus, because I do not like to be superficial in my blog. I want to bare my soul and if I help anyone then so be it! I will be proud, but ultimately I am here to gain perspective. You may have differing opinions and I do too. I desire deeply to connect with like-minded people.

They say that the right people understand you and hear you differently. I didn’t really understand that thought until I experienced it first-hand. Sometimes you can try and talk to a person, to gain understanding and they only see things their way. Other times, the silence spoke, but only some can hear your silence. They know it hold more weight than words.

“Silence is the most powerful scream.” -Anonymous

Last night I had a terrible nightmare, it was truly awful! I was shaken to my core. I know it’s trauma knocking at my door, and I must open and listen. I have learned that my own inner voice has a lot to say but I have been like so many, not ready to listen. I have to confront the monsters under my bed so to speak. What do you fear most? I try and think of this often and the only word that comes up is failure. I allowed it to keep me places that I have outgrown. I let people put me in boxes that were never who I am.

We have the power to be who we want to be and who cares who doesn’t like it! To HELL with killing ourselves for the claps, approval and acceptance of a dying world! That made me feel an empowered! My purpose, worth, and all the above are not connected to another’s rating! Who made them the judge? To whom do I give the credit for my life? But God alone! Let yourself be misunderstood and stop over explaining to people who have decided to not get it!

If we had the option to see from a birds-eye view, our life once it’s all over. I doubt we will say, Oh look so and so was proud of me, or I was finally accepted by them. Nope! I think very seriously we would be amazed at all that we missed out on for that very reason. Live your life FOR YOU, with others in mind! Happy Reading & God guide you on your personal journey!

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