Mother of 5 beautiful children, friend of books, avid reader, bubble baths are life! I enjoy long walks and hiking, I seek adventure. Writing makes me a better person, I love to share my thoughts.
When I took this photo at a Rock City, I was captivated that trees were growing in this unusual location. I began googling to learn more about trees like these. I learned trees that grow out of rocks have to withstand harder conditions. There is no soils to draw their nutrients, therefore these trees draw from the rock.
Consequently, the trees roots have to find cracks and crevices to burrow deep into. They must stretch deep into the rock, in order to get water. These trees persevere and even prosper against all odds! As stated “This deep-rooted determination shows us how life can endure and even thrive in the most unexpected and challenging of environments”. (treeplantation.com)
Therefore, we must always look to nature’s lesson and see how it’s not where we are that always matters. There will be environments that are less than ideal to our growth but we cannot whither away. We must learn to adapt to the harsh conditions and be flexible and resilient. These trees have mastered resourcefulness, by storing water for dry periods of time. The water is stored in their leaves and root systems.
These trees are beautiful, majestic and resilient; and so are YOU! What are the situations that you are facing that are uncomfortable? How can you continue to thrive despite the adverse circumstances? It’s quite simple, prosper where you are planted! We are often looking for a quick solution to get out of situations that we are meant to flourish in. However, I know how difficult it can be to stay planted in soil that seems unsuitable for sustaining life.
In the Bible, Paul was plagued by a thorn in the flesh, he asked God to remove it three times! However God, did not and simply said that his grace was sufficient. (2 Corinthians) There is purpose in pain! What we cannot fix on our own, gives us a dependency on God! His strength is given for our weaknesses. Like Paul, we must continue using our talents, skills and stories to create, inspire and evoke faith in a dark world! Faith to believe that like these trees we shall prevail amidst the unfavorable conditions and flourish!
It was Mother’s Day, and I was a single mom back then, so I got up to get ready for church. My son was four at the time and we were looking forward to the day. If you have read any of my other stories, I mentioned that my car was repossessed and so I didn’t have a car at this time. Therefore each week I would have to get rides to church on Wednesday and Sundays.
On this particular week, my friend that was giving me rides would not be available to help. He offered to rent me a car for the weekend and I was so grateful and excited. (Side note: This same person gave me $700 to help me get another car but remember I didn’t want to rely on that because I knew I couldn’t afford another car note. I gave most of the money to a family with five children December 20th, 2015.
Later that morning, I am at church and excited for the service. During the service they said they are going to bless mothers and for all single mothers to stand. They pass out little envelopes. What happens next still just amazes me. They say we want one particular single mother to come up on the stage. They say my name!! I’m nervous because this is a very large church! The pastor asks me to tell what it’s like being a single mother.
Suddenly I am on the stage shaking like a leaf, confused but then I find my voice. I tell a little bit of the struggles of raising a child alone. I encourage the other single mothers and I praise God for his faithfulness to me! The pastor turns to me and says “What is a biggest need in your life right now”? I immediately say, “A car”. He says, “A car, why don’t you bring that car in that door right there”
Hallelujah! What is happening? Little old me, who doesn’t think anyone can see how that I’m struggling to hold on. How many tears I’ve shed and how many prayers that I have prayed. They didn’t see me three days before this having a melt down and telling God I’m done. How I am tired of trying and I can’t keep living like this. That I will leave him and his way and go back to my old ways!
Thank you Jesus!! This feeling of being seen, heard and the little details absolutely floored me! I prayed big, scary, specific prayers and here was the car I asked for! It was driven INTO the sanctuary in front of thousands of people! I am a NOBODY, just trying to tell SOMEBODY about the goodness of God!!!
Freedom for me, has always been to be free from worrying about my family. As a child, I always felt like I was responsible to care for and protect my family. My father would beat my mother and lock her in a closet and leave the house. He would not take me with him, and he would also take the house phone with him, so we could not call the police. When I was eight, they finally were separated, and my mom tried to move on. I thought things would get better after they were no longer together, but it did not. My mother was struggling mentally, and she began beating me. I had a younger sister now and another person I felt responsible for.
As the years went on there was so much abuse, fighting, and drama that I was quickly learning to suppress my feelings. I began smoking weed, running from God and trying to stay away from home as much as possible. My life was a constant rollercoaster of ups and downs and I got used to the ride. I would take on things that weren’t my problem, cook meals, grocery shop, take care of my younger sister and try and keep my mother happy. The fights between my parents continued even from separate households. My father was trying to do better but he too was still a mess. A few years later my father had another child, my brother with another woman and although I was excited, I felt bad for the life he would be born into.
As time does, it goes on and now I am a wife, mother and have my own life. I grew up in many ways and renewed my relationship with God. I stopped being as angry with him for my sense of abandonment by him. I realized that he has been there all along, although I don’t understand the things that have happened to me; there is hope. My brother and sister both have a great deal of issues, my brother dropped out of high school, started smoking weed and still lives at home with my father. My sister got on drugs, moved away and stopped speaking to me. My relationship with my family is still very hard, my father and I see each other often, but we still try and hide the pain of it all. That pain comes out in many forms, and that is why I write so much; a way to release. I don’t see my mother or sister very often anymore; it is a place of great grief for me.
In spite of my tumultuous upbringing, I have accomplished some great things and have wonderful children. However, I often see the blackness of my past, and experiences rearing its ugly head, into my life and current relationships. I still have a way to go in my journey to peace and healing.
Freedom for me has been trying to live apart from my family’s toxicity and make a life for myself and my children. That part I am still working on because it’s so hard. I know family bonds run deep, and I have carried these burdens for so long. I keep trying to put them down, to stop trying to take on their problems. I often have to retreat away to myself and avoid interaction. I love them all so much and I pray often, that we all find peace. We all have so many wounds that need healing. One thing these experiences have taught me, is that we all have a story; thank you for reading part of mine.
“God is our refuge and strength, A[a] very present help in trouble. 2 Therefore we will not fear, Even though the earth be removed, And though the mountains be carried into the [b]midst of the sea; 3 Though its waters roar and be troubled, Though the mountains shake with its swelling.” Selah (Psalm 46 NKJV)
The journey is mine although I am not alone; for thou art with me. The time is at hand, but I have it not to give. A gift so precious are these stolen moments; besides you who can redeem them? The Giver to all the world, concerned for our soul, such precious children far more valuable than gold. The light of salvation Behold! Rejoice! The World was overcome through the blood! The waters rise with fury, the path ahead is long and weary. Oh, but remember far greater is the reprise. Keep the faith as you climb the mountains, for in knowing the testing of your faith works our patience. In our weakness, he is ALIVE! Hold your head high, dry your eyes dear child for one day soon he will appear in the skies. The journey will be complete the struggles, heartache and defeat; remain no more Only the victory, Arise! Arise!
"God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God shall help her, just at the break of dawn" Psalm 46:5 (NKJV)
What’s a job you would like to do for just one day?
I have always dreamed of working at an a library, I just feel peaceful each time I step into one. I love the smell of old books, I like to be surrounded by bookcases full of possibilities. I imagine the job can be both exciting and rewarding:the ability to assist in developing a child’s mind, through a love of reading.
If I was a librarian, I would also want to be writing my own masterpieces at night! I imagine me typing away on an old typewriter. I so miss the electric one that I had as a child! I appreciate how far technology has come but it was something special about typewriters. One of my favorite authors is Danielle Steele, her books were a staple during my pre-teen and teenage years. The reason I admire her, is that she always tells a story of some tragedy that turns out for the best. The characters always are changed by these events; into who they always would be!
Yes, I believe in the power of words; books are truly life changing, and I will always feel at home surrounded by them. “I tell my young son, books are friends, and we treat them kind”.
List the people you admire and look to for advice…
My granny, she has alway been the glue of our family. I called her crying and hurting recently, because life was feeling unfair and she calmly talked me through it.
My friend Ashley, she is hardworking, always keeping her yard, home and flowers beautiful. Although her marriage is having its difficulties she still takes care of the home front! I admire her courage to change and evolve.
My favorite tv pastor, is the late Dr. Charles Stanley, his sermons are apart of my life each week, I gleam so much wisdom and comfort from them. He always gives biblical, but practical advice.
Bloggers like YOU! I admire you guys, the talent you have for writing, encouraging, teaching and sharing! Each day I find myself reading through different blogs and aspiring to get better at blogging.
I often find myself wondering which way I should go, if a certain decision was the right one, and I feel this internal struggle. As a believer in Jesus, we are often told we need to follow God’s will and not our own and this causes a lot of confusion. I have watched sermons, read Christian books, prayed, and fasted, and even searched the scriptures; in order to find God’s will! Do not get me wrong, my faith is what keeps me in this Alice and Wonderland saga, that we call life! However, there is no way to perfectly follow God’s will, we are NOT meant to be perfect.
As I sit here and watch Alice and Wonderland, (1951) I remember that I always hated this movie as a kid because, I found it terribly confusing! It seemed ridiculous that this child is chasing a white rabbit and keeps finding herself in more trouble and utterly lost. Now as I watch this movie, with years on me and a little more wisdom, I see the similarities to my own life. How many times, have I been chasing my own white rabbit, in search of something better than what I currently possess? A young girl, that was too curious for my own good and truly had no sense of direction! I can wholeheartedly say, I felt great conviction when Alice weeps and sings, about how confused she is and that she has great advice but seldom uses it!
Many times, I have promised God, after I have gotten myself lost and in a mess that I am done with the nonsense, and I want to go home! The figurative home, the place with God where I admit my wrongs and ask him to forgive my folly. As the loving Father, he welcomes me home with warm arms, and shortly thereafter, I become restless with waiting to find his plan for my life. Alice sings:” Be patient, is very good advice, but the waiting makes me curious, and I love the change, should something strange begin”. We all have been there, haven’t we? Then I am heading in the direction that seems like the right one, but along the way I end up veering from the path. I know why Jesus calls himself the Good Shepherd because we truly are like dump sheep!
The direction in which we go in this life cannot be planned out as strategically as we would like, and God’s will cannot be forced or manipulated. God is not withholding the mysteries that we seek; he simply allows us to learn along the way. I have learned that he will show us one step at a time and nothing more, and it’s quite frustrating! The Good Shepherd guides us an protects but he already knows that our nature is to wander, and we do suffer for that. However, it is in the wandering that I am shaped, restored, broken, strengthened, and able to see the reason God’s way is always better. I know where I want to end up, but how I will get there is not as clear! I understand now, “Not all who wander are lost”. My fate, with my Lord and savior are already paved, but I must continue learning the roads that lead me home. May your journey be full of love, hope and beauty!
He came to show me wonders anew through the redemption of sins. This perfect miracle given for me and you to win. Savior unto all who answer his call; and keep faith in him. The blood of the Holy Lamb, slain for broken hearts to become anew. He shows his glory with unfailing love that transforms my thoughts onto things above. Old things are passed away; sins remembered no more. Oh! My soul he must adore! Knock and the door shall be opened; ask to receive, give it to him-just believe.
I will never forget this day it was December 20th, 2015. I slept restlessly, I had this sense of urgency but I didn’t know what it was about. At this time in my life, I was out of a car, because mine was repossessed, after I lost my job. It was a hard season but I was still hopeful that things would get better. A friend of mine, gave me like $700 to help me with down payment on another car, but I was just depressed.
I was having a little pity party, I was questioning God and just frustrated. Why were things so hard for me? I was working with them, I only missed one car note and they took my car! Here I am a single mother, working to provide and trying to live godly at the same time. I did not want my friend’s help, I wanted GOD to do something, had he not promised to be my provider?
This particular day, my son was with my mom and I was bored so I decided to take a drive. My sister who I lived with at the time, said I could use her car. I began driving aimlessly and then I had this urge to get out of town. I jumped on the interstate and headed east. I was enjoying the drive and listening to worship songs, trying to get in a better mood.
Suddenly I felt the same urgency come over me, I know some of you will think I’m nuts but I felt a fire all over my body. The sensation only getting more weird, I kid you not, I felt as if I was in labor with a child! My stomach was tightening and relaxing over and over and I felt the urge to push!!!! Note, I am definitely NOT pregnant! I couldn’t understand what was happening, until the Holy Spirit began to speak through me.
Finally, after several minutes of surrendering my body to whatever the spirit was doing, I was able to pull over. I sat at a gas station, tempted to go back home. However, I knew I needed to keep going. I got back on and kept going east. As I started recognizing where I was and remembered that there was a church I went once, when I was younger. I turned the GPS on and exited the interstate, heading to the church. After a few minutes I was there, and honestly confused.
Eventually, after praying for God to lead I realized after looking at the church sign, I had literally pulled up just in time for church. I had not been to church in a while, because I didn’t have a car, and I had moved. I looked down at my sweater and jeans, well I’m not exactly dressed for this Pentecostal service but I’m here! I go inside the tiny church and sit down, I recognize a few faces but I sit alone.
The woman speaker for the day noticed me after the service and came over. We embraced and I literally told her, “I don’t know why I am here”. She told me to come into her office, I explained the feeling I had, the urgency and how the spirit came over me. She has always been so kind to me, the few occasions she visited my home church. This church was a sister church to that one.
Then she tells me, “Why don’t you come back tonight, there is a family from your home church, coming here tonight”. I look at her like she is crazy, I don’t wanna just show up and I don’t even understand why I am here. She said they were having their family Christmas party. Then we pray and I leave. “God what have you gotten me into?”
Later, I come back reluctantly and I see the cars. I see someone going into a lower level entrance and I follow inside. When I get there I see a large group of people, there is food and tables setup. One of the ladies I make eye contact with says, “Hey lady! Why are you here?” I explain again that I’m not sure why I am here, but I felt led to be there. The best thing about this whole ordeal is that no one treats me weird, they believe me!
After a while of small talk, I ask her could she pray with me. We go into a private room and begin to pray. The prayer is so powerful, we both are on the floor, on our knees weeping. I don’t know how long we pray, it seems like forever. When her husband comes in, he says he can see the glory of God on my face. I am in awe, after praying we go into the sanctuary.
In the sanctuary, the children from all of her family are playing with the drums and other instruments. The children knew we had been praying and I was overcome with emotions. They began to sing, worship and play the instruments. I worship with them and it was beautiful. I was amazed at how this family was all on one accord, even with me an outsider!
Afterwards, we go back where the rest of the family are hanging out. They offer me food but I am too overwhelmed to eat. I keep seeing the flashes of her praying over me, like her own child. She held me, wept with me and spoke life over me! This wretch was alive again! Hallelujah!
Suddenly, I remember the money, that my friend gave me, I grab my purse and thumb through the envelope. I take out a few twenties for myself and I rush over to her. I hand her the bank envelope with the car down payment. I tell her to take it and I thank her profusely. She tried to refuse the blessing but I knew then, why I was there. I needed her comfort, strength and prayers. It was a Christmas miracle for us both!
“Where two or three are gathered, in my name, there I am in the midst of them”. Matthew 18:19-20
Shiloh Rose Archive 