Shiloh Rose Archive

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Mother of 5 beautiful children, friend of books, avid reader, bubble baths are life! I enjoy long walks and hiking, I seek adventure. Writing makes me a better person, I love to share my thoughts.

  • The Cree Spirit Prevails: Honoring Loss, Celebrating Strength

    Image: Pexels Library

    The other morning, I woke up at 4am and I couldn’t seem to go back to sleep. I decided to go downstairs and watch a movie, my plan was to use the movie to relax me back into sleep. However the movie, I picked did not! It was called, “Bones of Crows” on Netflix. The movie was a heartbreaking epic, about the Canadian government trying to eradicate the culture of Indigenous people. The specific group targeted was the Cree Indians. Though the movie was fictionalized it still gave a look into the pain and suffering inflicted upon these people. We all know that Native Americans all over the USA were treated horribly.

    The Cree Indians in Canada, were forced to send their children to Residential Schools, they were taken away from their families and many never saw their parents again. The Residential Schools were established in the late 1800s and the last known one was closed in 1997, that is over 160 years! It is believed that around 150,000 children were in place in them nationally. These children were subjected to sexual, physical, mental abuse, starvation, and disease. They were seen as a problem to the Euro-Canadian culture. America has dark history of wanting to force people to embrace their culture as the only right way. Even worse these schools were government funded but administered by the Christian church!

    Photo from Google Images (Canadian Residential School)

    How my heart broke within me as I watched this movie, I had never heard of these schools. I am ashamed to be a Christian sometimes, because of the horror we have inflicted as a society, upon the lives of the innocent. GOD be merciful to us all, but if I am honest I want justice too! I love my country, and I am an American Christian. I can assure you the JESUS I serve was not the one these people taught about! They have made a mockery of what he represents! Jesus is LOVE! He does not condone these type of things! One of the sayings they had “Kill the Indian save, the man.” This sick slogan that was used as a racial slur to these precious souls. Their culture is who they are and to take that away to fit societal standards is wrong!

    These schools promised to educate these children, to teach them how to work alongside Americans. They were supposed to be taught about Jesus, not forced to serve a God they didn’t understand! Jesus doesn’t force anyone to believe in him, he offers an invitation! They cut off their long, flowing, black hair and replaced it with buzz cuts and pixie cuts. An Indian’s hair is scared to them! They weren’t allowed to speak the language of their Fathers, however some held the language in their hearts.

    Google Images: Residential Schools Canada

    The Indigenous people tried to speak up for their children, family members, but many were dismissed and or ignored. When the survivors became adults they began sharing their stories. They kept their hearts strong and they fought for all those lives lost. These beautiful children endured so much pain and sorrow, all for being born an Indian! Finally, after years of being ignored and silenced in 2008, after over 6500 testimonies came out a light was shone on the genocidal actions of the churches and previous governments. However all over the USA reports were coming in about abuse there too. Americans, we cannot continue to ignore generations of people and not hear their cries!

    The aftermath of their suffering has left these people with scars and they need access to more mental health services. The new generations of their children need to know the important contributions of Indigenous People, they also need to know their history. Although America has began to shed a light on some of the events that took place in these schools, and offered to pay off the survivors and their families. However many are too scared to deal with the government, and how can we blame them?

    Pexels Free Library

    UNCOVERING THE PAST

    In May 2021, archeologists found 200 unmarked graves at an old school in Canada and it brought more attention to what these people were already saying! These residential schools were torn down all over the US, but there is one that still stands in Saskatchewan. It is a reminder to a nation that would rather forget! “A three-story tombstone for generations of children, who died there.” (Anderson Cooper, CBS NEWS 2023). The scars of a nation, have caused many indigenous people to turn to substance abuse, anger, rage and violence. However, many have turned to the streets to march, storm upon the government, write letters, raise up a voice in the night and fight back!

    PAINFUL STEREOTYPES AND NARRATIVES

    We have seen it throughout all races of people, these harmful stereotypes have become ingrained in our culture. We have generations of people who are unaware of who they are and where they fit in society. Those who have strong sense of culture and who they are can lead more confident lives. Many of the indigenous people forsook their cultures out of fear that their children would face difficulties living in the modern world. “It is hard to identify as a First Nations person in mainstream Canadian society, when you carry this sense of shame and live surrounded by people who look down on you” (“Facing History & Ourselves, “Culture, Stereotypes, and Identity” 2019).

    Pexels Free LIbrary

    HOW CAN WE SUPPORT INDIGENOUS PEOPLE?

    I am challenged after watching this movie, reading the accounts, and articles to be a better human! I didn’t know about many of these issues, because I wasn’t taught. I desire to use my voice as a voice for those without one! I seek to represent Jesus well!

    What we can do:

    • Participate in Local Events
    • Support the causes of these communities
    • Raise awareness and advocate for their rights and issues
    • Respect ALL human life, regardless if we understand or not.
    • Share our privileges
    • Learn about their culture and history
    • Magnify their strengths not weaknesses
    • Shop from Indigenous-founded businesses
    • Watch our mouth
    • Listen to their voices
    • “Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15 ESV).
    • Keep the conversation going speak up about injustices and share your empathy.
    • Take action

    In closing, I hope that I helped stir your hearts and emotions to think on these very important issues faced by these precious people. This movie was beautiful and it helped shine a light. We all have experienced different levels of suffering and injustices in some shape or form. Let’s learn to treat each other better! There are many wonderful Americans that have stepped in to help and contribute and we shouldn’t be discouraged but encouraged that we as a whole are growing up and learning to be better collectively. There is still much work to do! Blessings to you and Happy Reading!

    All rights reserved ShilohRose77©️ All other sources are included.

  • Butterflies & Shakes

    What makes you nervous?

    There are a few things that make me nervous LOL!

    1. Public Speaking: I have never liked to be in front of a crowd but unfortunately life has called me out many times! Then apparently people think I am really good at speaking! What they don’t know is that I usually have butterflies in my stomach or that I feel a bit shaky and afraid.
    2. New Dr Appts: I get a bit anxious before a new doctor appt. It really started after I had a miscarriage, because I had no idea that would be the news that I would hear, at a 8 weeks ultrasound!
    3. Credit Card Decline: The stupid thing is it’s usually an error, and not even my fault but it still gets me every time! It’s just so embarrassing 🙈!!

    These are the main things that I can think of in this moment. I will post a video of me speaking and see what you guys think! As always, Happy Reading!

    ShilohRose77©️ All rights reserved. The video and or pictures are mine.

    Mother’s Day 2016

    This DAY was one of the GREATEST days of my life! I was a struggling single mother with one son, at the time he was four years old. My paid for car was totaled while parked! I couldn’t afford car payments so my next vehicle was repossessed after one missed payment which is highly unusual! (God works in mysterious ways!) Then a bout a year later this happened, I was given a brand new car by my church and from car lot that uses their advertisement money to bless people! GOD DOES AMAZING THINGS! I was scared and shaken, but God gave me courage. (The only downfall is the pastor said my name wrong). This church was home to about 3500 people!

    God does the impossible, I hope that you will take my story and go and pray BIG prayers! I refused to buy another car during this season, I was determined to wait on God to show up and BOY did he ever!

  • Quieting My Emotions, By Taking Control

    How do you unwind after a demanding day?

    When we start to control our emotions and learn to quiet them. We must find rest, stillness, and sit in the silence. We have to be learners of quiet. The Bible has a lot to say about being quiet as well. The inner tranquility of the mind and heart is different than just being silent.

    “and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one.”
    ‭‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭4‬:‭11‬-‭12‬ ‭ESV‬‬

    Photo from Free Photo Library

    Where do you go when you are searching for quiet? Do you imagine yourself next to a peaceful ocean and the only sound is that of crashing waves? Some people may prefer the peaceful mountaintops, to get away from the busyness of city life. These two places are wonderful and truly beautiful. However many of us are dealing with an unrest from the soul; not from our noisy homes or cities. This post is inspired by a sermon I heard today By Dr. Charles Stanley. He gave tips about how to get quiet and rest in God’s sovereignty.

    Dr. Stanley ran a large church in Atlanta, Georgia, wrote books, travelled often, and served in many capacities. He knew well how busy and noisy life can get. In a particular time in his life he felt God’s call to quietness. One day in Bible study, he felt the Holy Spirit leading him to the above Scripture in Thessalonians. What we can glean from that passage is that we need to study to be quiet, in the midst of our busy lives.

    How to Study Being Quiet

    Photo from Free Photo Library
    1. Inner Peace is achieved in many different ways, such as: mindfulness, patience, self-care, setting boundaries, etc. However one of the easiest ones are trusting in God’s love, care and sovereignty!
    2. Learn from introverted people! I thought this was truly special, quietness is a strength. Sometimes we cannot stand it but being quiet allows for better listening.
    3. Make time for quiet reflection and periods of silence.
    4. Work, share, laugh and live, but with a quiet calm about yourself. Choosing words carefully and speaking only when necessary.

    Emotions play a great role in the “noise” that we hear from day to day. It’s usually what we are wrestling with at night when we go to bed. How often have we been unable to rest or sleep, due to anxiety, fear, shame, guilt, unforgiveness, worries, etc? I can be the first to raise my hand! As a person that has lived through extreme trauma, I get pretty restless at times. My emotions are like the crashing waves of the ocean. Gaining control means that we must be willing to give up control first.

    “Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” (1 Peter 3:4 NIV)

    We can be still and quiet on the exterior, and yet on the inside a storm rages on! The inner tranquility that we seek, must be practiced and when we can control our responses we are able to think better. A calm mind, can lead to hearing from God better and our own inner wisdom as well as intuition. I hope this week you take time for reflection, silencing the noise, and seek to be still. May we all find rest for our weary souls, be blessed and Happy Reading!

    ShilohRose77©️

    Pexels Library

  • In The Arms of The Angel

    “Angels come in many shapes and sizes, and most of them are not invisible.” -Martha N. Beck (Pexels Library)

    It was like a horrible, bad dream; there I was hanging upside down in my seatbelt screaming. The accident had happened so quickly, but my mother and I had survived it. My mom was crying and she asked if I was okay. As I looked around, I saw that our car had flipped and we were both there dangling and dazed. The windshield was broken, and I could now see that my mother’s fingers were cut and bleeding. I scanned my own tiny, four year old body and saw that I was unharmed. It was not God’s plan that we die that day.

    Photo created with ChatGPT

    The dilemma now was how were we going to get out of the car? The windshield was shattered, and wouldn’t be safe to climb through and the doors were unable to open. We were so scared and shaken, in a fog of what had just happened. I know for a fact that God himself sent angels to help us that day. I can remember that my throat was raw from screaming, I was so afraid! I don’t know how long we were waiting before help came.

    Suddenly at our driver side we hear voices there was a man, I don’t remember all the details but I am sure he asked if we were okay. He realizes that we are unable to open the doors and that I am also dangling upside down. This man y’all, was an absolute angel! He literally uses his body weight to lift up the car, this is not humanly possible! It is referred to on google as “hysterical strength” the adrenaline to save a person taking over. He wasn’t a body builder he was just an average build, middle aged man. He wasn’t even a paramedic or first responder! A random stranger there to offer assistance.

    The man was able to unbuckle my seat belt and ease me out of the vehicle, I was very young so I cannot remember how they got my window to come down or if it was already down some. I know it was summer time so it’s probable that the window was already down. However on the driver’s side my mom wasn’t able to get out. That’s when the man began lifting up the vehicle on her side. I think the car door on her side had a lot of damage and was crushed unnaturally. I remember that I am handed off to a woman.

    Honestly, I don’t know where these wonderful people even came from! The lady saw how terrified I was and she cradled me there on the gravel ground. She rocked me like her own child and soothed my sobs. Still there is not an emergency vehicle in sight, just two angelic people there to help. The man was able to lift the vehicle enough for my mom to crawl out. Thank God her injuries are minor. The sad part, is that once my mom was out, he lost the strength and the vehicle came down on him and crushed some of his ribs.

    Finally we are out of the mangled vehicle but our rescuer is hurt and we feel awful about it. We cannot help him he has to stay there crushed under the weight of the car until first responders get on the scene. His bravery is unmatched he could have just called for help, he did not have to intervene. When the EMS team came, I believe they used a saw tool to cut away at the metal and got him out. They didn’t even lift the car as this brave man had done! We all were taken to the hospital for evaluations and treatment.

    The sweet woman that held me passed me off into the ambulance, she was gone just as quickly as she came. The area we were in was a ghetto area, maybe that is why it took so long for EMS to show. God had those two wonderful people there at the right moment. I know for a fact my mother and I wouldn’t have been able to get out. At the hospital my mother’s hands were bandaged and we were able to leave after a few hours. My parents were separated at the time and instead of tell my daddy, my mom and I walked home from the hospital.

    I can remember both of us feeling sore and drained emotionally but thankful to be alive. Our car was gone, but we had walked away. We also had encountered the love and care from random strangers. My mom always regretted not getting the information to be able to thank the man that was injured to save us. I pray that he knew how grateful we were. And to the kind woman, that held me in her bosom, I appreciate her more than she knows.

    Life is full of moments that we are sent people to be a blessing to us and when we too can be a blessing! Let us pray for the courage to help others in times of need!

    ©️ShilohRose77

  • The Justice of YAHWEH

    Photo is from Free Library

    I am showing up here to let the words flow, my heart pounding with frustration. The anger I feel rising in my throat burning my chest. Why is anger so unproductive? It makes you want to take revenge, lash out, hurt someone, and it solves nothing! I am angry as I write this, I must admit. How I would love to take hold of a particular someone, and take the breath from their body! What good will it do?

    They say hurt people, hurt people but what do sad people do? I truly am grateful for life, and all my blessings, but sad that some people will always stay the same. No matter how kind you are they will remain who they are and your love changes nothing. This is the hardest part about a fallen world, the lovers and empathetic people are tested daily. It’s a misconception that someone who is kind, and gentle is weak! I possess a strength you cannot fathom, I just let things be. Jesus was misunderstood. Maybe that is why I relate so deeply to him. I admire his composure in the face of adversity.

    Lord, give me the ability to stand when tested. Right now I am so angry, and I am reminded of King David. In 1 Samuel 25. David has asked for a man named Nabal to be generous and share what he could for him and his men to share on the feast day. David and his men were journeying and were in need, and Nabal was wealthy. He refused to share with David and his men and even after David had protected Nabal’s workers in the shepherd fields. David didn’t have to ask he could have just stole from him or did him dirty! David is furious and is provoked to harm Nabal now. David felt that his act of kindness was thrown back in his face and he wanted revenge. I feel this deeply right now, as I am dealing with a situation where I feel persecuted and used!

    God being gracious to David, worked the situation to his favor. “All things work to the good of those that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). David stayed in communion with God the Father, he let God know when he was upset and asked for help. Like most of us, David didn’t want to wait on God to step in, he wanted to handle it himself. How badly I want to do something to show this person in my life! I am so tired of the disrespect. So anyway, God allows the wife of Nabal who is Abagail to hear what has happened. She isn’t surprised that her husband is being a jerk, she knows him well. She called him a fool and immediately comes up with a plan to rectify the situation.

    That husband of hers was gonna have a lot of people hurt due to his arrogance and foolish ways! She knew that it was better to give David and his men what they had asked for because her husband had plenty! This woman was wise enough to understand that God had kept David from doing the wrong thing because he prayed and he had compassion on this woman. She bowed down and humbled herself to David and gave him the provisions that he requested. It was that simple! Sometimes God protects us from ourselves! As I reflect on the word of God, and prayed about my own plight I feel my heart rate slowing and HIS peace coming into me. God is my vindicator! He gets the glory from my life!

    I can imagine that Abagail was quite unhappy in her relationship with her husband, because of how she speaks about him. She is fed up with his ways, I am can presume that this is not the first time Nabal had risked their lives! There are some people who will never seek to do what is right but only stir the pot and make things worse. Oh Lord, let me be like Abagail: wise and courageous! Help me to stay in contact with you through all of my struggles just as David. The story ends in a beautiful display of God’s faithfulness and his justice. Abagail was used by God to calm David down and show him kindness and respect. “A kind word turns away wrath” (Proverbs 15:1).

    Who doesn’t enjoy a good love story, David is her knight and shining armor! He shows up young, strong, passionate, fierce and determined. I bet she was impressed with him, and his way of handling business: unlike her own husband. He was rude, selfish, reckless and didn’t care to protect her or his home. He started a fight with the wrong guy! However, thank God that the Lord allowed this story to go another way. David is moved by Abagail’s humility, wisdom, and courage. Remember, women in these times were expected to be merely background characters. She made a decision to protect her home! David agrees to not take revenge and accept her graciousness.

    You won’t believe what happens next! Abagail goes back to her husband to report what she had done, he gets so upset that he literally has a heart attack or something of the sort! “His heart died within him, and he became as stone” (1 Samuel 25:37). Can you imagine the fear she had of what he would do to her, finding out that she had done this against his will? He could have killed her and been justified! However, he is unable to render any harm to her and even better he dies within ten days! Hallelujah! “And about ten days later the Lord struck Nabal, and he died” (1 Samuel 25:38). The evil that he tried to put out there came back to him, as the worldly folks like to say “karma” !

    You see God knows his children inwardly, he knows how they will behave and react. He knew that David would immediately praise God and give him the credit for handling his enemies. God handled David’s plight, and I am reminded that he will handle mine too! He knows me, I will always keep a praise on my lips. He knows how I love him. David was a man after God’s own heart. Abagail, who is now a widow had been told by David that he will take her as his bride. She is happy to be rescued from her idiot husband, and probably relieved he died. Abagail knew that David was to be the future king, and she reverenced him as such. The prophet Samuel had anointed David as the future king but he has not taken the throne because it wasn’t God’s timing yet. He had to deal with the current ruler, King Saul.

    I’m not going down without a fight, but I fight on my knees! Happy Reading!

    ©️ShilohRose77

  • I WON’T Become What I Cannot Defeat

    “When life gets to overwhelming, just look up at the night sky and lose yourself for a while.” -Rachel Wolchin

    The things that I want to say are hard to say. I find that when I am truly wrestling with hurt or despair, that I don’t want to blog. I would prefer to think on the issue, maybe journal about it or pray but never really blog. I really enjoy blogging and I usually sit down and do it when I am in rather a good mood. This was a hard week emotionally for my husband and I. Therefore I avoided my blog the past few days, feeling the words welling up inside me.

    I often feel misunderstood although I can express myself well, at times I struggle to feel like I belong. Most of the time I think that I am on a different plane of existence! So many words, yet so little to say. How do you tell someone that your heart hurts? What are the right words to get someone to see the way you truly feel? I love to write poems, and letting the pen drift in my journal. Tonight, I decided to try it in a blog. My husband and I both grew up in pretty rough home life situations from domestic violence, neglect, poverty, and the list goes on. There are scars, and often they are like scabs being reopened over and over again.

    The wounds that we try our best to heal and even hide are often uncovered by meaningless things. For my husband, he was reminded of being used by his parents when he had very little money and they would lie to him about how much something cost. They would take all the money they could get and he would often be hungry. This memory came flooding back this week when we were looking for car insurance, for our newest driver our son! Such an exciting and happy time, brought up feelings of deep pain. These feelings my husband thought were gone. There isn’t a magic formulas for getting over childhood trauma. Only we can look at those memories, feelings, and accepting them. This too shall pass…

    For me, this week I was verbally attacked by my grandmother and it hurt my feelings. The reason, because I invited my family to a party on a day that they could not make it so I was made to feel as if I was an inconvenience and a burden. The wounded child in me, instantly felt those familiar feelings of rejection. I was angry, sad, hurt, and frustrated because I knew that no matter what I would be made to feel like a problem. If I kept quiet or voiced my pain it would still be there lingering in the air, a rancid taste in my mouth. Many times people go to therapy to talk to someone about their trauma.

    How can you tell all the ways you have been hurt or to even think about, how do you say the right words? Can you get your point across, without seeming like a child throwing a tantrum? That was always the hardest part about therapy as an adult for me. I didn’t want to seem like someone who gets mad over trivial things, how can you tell someone that the way you felt was real? It wasn’t blown out of proportion? It was a deep need that was never met, long ago? When you acknowledge that cut on your hand does it go away? My heart felt sympathetic to my husband because I have felt that way many times, something small can trigger a painful memory.

    As I kept replaying the conversations, thinking about what I could have said or how I could I have better handled those things this week: I realize that life is not linear. There are many paths and ways to healing. What works for one may be different for another, the best love I can give myself is being proud of how far I have come. Here I am sharing and not closing myself off. I am willing to examine myself and those hard feelings. I am thankful for this platform. WordPress, gives me a voice and a place to connect to things that matter to me. As the great Maya Angelou said: “And Still I Rise…”

    I pray that you have a great week, Happy Reading!

    The photo is mine: ©️ShilohRise77

  • Creaking of the Spine to Pass the Time

    Describe one positive change you have made in your life.

    The spring time is such a transformative time, all around we see the emergence of new life. A little tiny bud of color amongst the brush, a bud of possibilities. The colors of spring are what I love most as I gaze out the window I see them. It’s an array of pinks, greens, deep purples, yellow, and soft whites; all so lovely. This is my favorite season, although it kills my allergies! I like to think of myself as those tiny buds, a blossom amongst the weeds.

    Lately, the positive change that I have been working on is reading more, because that is my passion. However, we can allow our passions to dwindle when we spend time living someone else’s life! I had gotten caught up in the incessant scrolling on social media. I wouldn’t even want to but somehow I had gotten addicted to the busyness of my hands. The comforting distraction that it brings to us all, and the curiosity of peeking into another’s life. It’s the same reason I love reading, I enjoys escaping the reality of life at times. However, words take me places scrolling just cannot.

    Taken on one of my many walks. (Spring has sprung)

    This is the time for growth, new beginnings and transformation and I always feel my energy restored. I feel the buzz of creativity within me when I pass all the beautiful colors. Like those tiny springs of life, I am emerging from the safety of the walls. I am blossoming into the thing I desire, my seeds well cultivated. Blossoming is the embodiment of change, what was closed off now opening to be seen. If you pay attention you will notice the seasons of your life and how they are often repeated cycles. This time of year always seems to be better for me than the fall and winter seasons.

    I am ever changing and growing through each season, just as a blossom, not just the blooming period its beyond the peak season when we see the glory of a flower revealed. The blossom has been developing and growing beneath the surface, before they burst forth with color. Not all blossoms bloom in spring, just as not all people thrive in ideal conditions. I decided to cultivate my soil, to grow up and face myself. I am tuning in a lot more and leaning into who I truly am, regardless if that’s popular or trending.

    It’s between the spine of a good book that I am inspired and feel a deeper sense of belonging. I read to calm my heart that often beats too fast, with the worries of this life. I read to gain perspective of the world around me. Last year I read thirteen books, but my goal was to read twenty. In 2023, I read twenty books but my goal was fifty! This year so far I have read ten already, and we are only four months into the year! I am so proud of me and the changes that I am making. My advice is be kinder to yourself, do what you love, stop trying to live someone else’s life, love deeply, and be yourself.

    Art from my local library

    The love of reading brought about my love for writing, like salt and pepper they are how I flavor my world. It’s how I connect with the world, through words. I feel deeply and I almost am bursting over with words at times and then other times a quiet storm is brewing within me. Nothing makes me happier than walking into a library or a bookstore! I enjoy the feeling that it gives, a sort of nostalgia that I am home. As I am writing this, I am sitting in my local library, the smell of old books wafting through the air. It’s a calming smell, when I walk into a room filled with books I often smile, an uncontrollable smile.

    I hope you day is beautiful as this spring time weather, you heart as light as the breeze, and your transitions take you to your most desired outcomes! Happy Reading!

    ShilohRose77©️

  • Voyage to the Interior

    What book could you read over and over again?

    I am not a reread a book kind of person, the only books that I have done this with are children’s book with my children! I just don’t feel the need, to me it’s not like a movie but maybe I should try it more. Anyway the main things that I reread a lot are my journals. Being a deeply reflective, nostalgic person I really love reconnecting with different versions of myself. It’s like I have always been the same, yet I am always evolving!

    When you are documenting your life, the greatest teacher is hindsight. I truly believe that life is full of repeated patterns and lessons. We tend to be creatures of habit, when we look back it can be useful to identify those thought patterns and behaviors. The growth I see throughout the years can be small, but consistent and it helps me to see that all my years of reflection are indeed working. Some things can be hard to see when we are in the thick of it, taking a look at a later time helps to gain perspective.

    “The journey into self-love and self-acceptance must begin with self-examination…until you take the journey of self-reflection, it is impossible to grow or learn in life.”

    -Iyanla Vanzant

    A sunset captured by me.

    This morning, I awakened from a dream of an old love from my younger days. This relationship did not last long it was wildly passionate and moving far too quickly for such young people! He broke my heart when he wanted space from me, I was happy but he felt like most guys, he needed to accomplish more, experience more before we became too serious. In the dream he walked back into my life and I am like uh-uh NOPE! I won’t go back into those feelings! Do you know how bad that hurt me? I woke up feeling lots of things, feelings of hope, restoration, and peace. Was it possible that I was still mourning this lost love?

    When I press my pen to paper the thoughts, feelings, and all of it come spilling out onto the pages! This is why I love to reread them because they are brimming with authenticity. My truest intentions, emotions and uniqueness are there in raw form. As much as I enjoy blogging, it’s not quite the same, I am much more censored and filtered in this realm, than I am in between those pages. They are mine and I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks when I am scribbling in them!

    After that dream, I immediately started taking notes of the themes of the dream and how it made me feel. In order to grow and process the things we live through its a good thing to ask yourself questions. Why did my old flame visit me? I am married, I have children, I am not interested in that relationship any longer. The ideal presents itself as the need to reflect, let go, and make peace with painful events. There was so much I needed to learn, and I have become way better on the journey I am on currently.

    Reflection of me, many moons ago (2013)

    This photo was taken as I was getting ready and I sat up on the bathroom counter and snapped the shot, it was really good. I look at the woman there and I hardly recognize her, I have changed physically, mentally and spiritually. I know her and I miss her all the same, she is me and I am her. The growth that has taken place, came with a cost. It was painful, I lost people along the way, and at times I thought I had lost myself. As I sat perched up there on the countertop, I wonder if she could see a glimpse of who she would become? Some have questioned if we truly even look the way that we perceive ourselves to look?

    “It’s not about how many years you live, but how many you learn.”

    The past will continue to be a tool to learn from but it can also be a cage in which we become trapped in the memories of failure and regret. I aspire to take those words I wrote as a map to the future that awaits me. I love to read my story and get to know me better and come to terms with my journey. It was hard but I must learn to embrace it all and take the good and the bad. Nothing is wasted, and it is never too late to repurpose your experiences.

    The hand of God has mightily carried me, and I look forward to seeing the woman I am becoming. I believe I met her in my dreams one night. As I slept I dreamed that I was looking into the mirror and getting dressed suddenly I saw movement out of the corner of my eyes and saw MYSELF! I literally saw another version of me, we looked the same, the only difference was that she was so happy! I immediately followed her, and had to see for myself, I sort of thought she would disappear when I got face to face. However, she was just as real as me, but she seemed somehow wiser, more confident, happy, just peaceful contentment.

    Then as if she sensed my disbelief, fear, and confusion she just smiles and grabs me in for a hug. The hug was warm, and it was a real hug, I could feel it. She simply said that “Everything is going to be okay.” This reassurance was what I needed in such a hard time in my life, who can know you better than oneself?

    Thanks for stopping by, Happy Reading!

    Photos are mine. ShilohRose77©️

  • “Do Not Tarry”

    ShilohRose77©️

    Waiting involves conscious focus on the passage of time.

    When we are waiting for something to change or happen it seems like time actually goes slower or at times, maybe faster. Either way it’s our focus on the event that causes it to feel drawn out. The process of waiting can be hard, but we grow when we are tested. I just finished a wonderful book, it was about Martha from the Bible. Martha, is the sister of Lazarus and Mary. Lazarus has a miracle encounter with Jesus, who raises Lazarus from the dead! The book is “Up from Dust: Martha’s Story,” by Heather Kaufman. The Children of Israel have been waiting for 400 years for the appearance of their Messiah. Imagine the feelings they had as they waited.

    This book is a fictionalized account of Martha’s back story, and her siblings lives. The story portrays how they met and befriended Jesus during his three years of ministry. There is a scene in the book, where Lazarus is dying and the sisters have sent word to Jesus. They have asked him to come, in hopes that he will heal their brother from his affliction. This story is in the Bible, in John 11. They have gotten to see and have heard about the miracles Jesus has performed.

    Suddenly Lazarus dies, and Jesus has still not shown up to help them! They have been pacing the floor, in despair, anguish and hurt that their dear friend did not come. How could he not come? Why did he tarry? Can you imagine, sending a text and telling your good friend that your sibling is dying and they leave you on READ! No reply, no sight of them, I cannot imagine the feelings in their heart and mind! They KNEW Jesus personally, they knew he possessed great power to heal the sick, he could have healed Lazarus in a few moments.

    Photo: ShilohRose77 (My pregnancy announcement April 2022)

    The test had two pink lines! I couldn’t believe that I was pregnant, I was excited but I kind of knew because I was feeling off in my body. We immediately shared the good news with our family friends. Our happiness was short-lived we lost the baby exactly at 8 weeks pregnant, my hopes dashed. Like Martha and Mary I sent word to Jesus immediately! I was hurting deeply emotionally, I didn’t have any warning signs that I had lost the baby. I felt like my body had failed me.

    I can imagine when Lazarus became ill that Mary and Martha had confidence that Jesus wouldn’t possibly let their brother die! That day as I left the ultrasound appointment I was asking Jesus what was going on? I said to myself it has to be a mistake! Jesus where are you? Please don’t let this happen! I spent twelve days wondering why my body still had not began the process of natural abortion. I prayed, the only glimmer of hope was that I dreamed of a voice that said, “The child will live.”

    On April 29th, after the abortion medication would not work and my body had still not begun the process, I had to have the DNC surgery. The surgery went well, but I felt so conflicted. I was mourning a life I only knew existed for one month! I told people and had to tell them I lost the baby! My body had let me down! As I am trying to relay these feelings and share this story, I am rereading my journal during this time. They say grief comes in waves, I can agree. Jesus sat with me, he walked with me through it because it was heavy!

    Shiloh isn’t my name it’s the name I gave my baby, that I lost. I write under this name, because I desire to use my pain to be reborn. I use my tears to cultivate my soil.

    The weeks leading up to my miscarriage, I kept hearing sermons, references and synchronous messages about Jesus being acquainted with grief. In Matthew 26: Jesus is praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, he knows his time for death is imminent.

    The weight of loss can be heavy before anything actually happens, you feel it on your shoulders. I felt an odd burden upon my heart, Jesus was preparing me for the grief to come. Martha and Mary knew with each passing day that Lazarus was going to die, they could feel the chill of death. Jesus waited four days after Lazarus had died before he shows up! During this hard time in my life, I felt many emotions: intense grief, anger, physical pain, loved, seen, comforted, and I even felt spirits around me as I slept! I found out I lost Shiloh on April 18th, and on April 22nd I felt spirits at my bedside, that’s four days. In some Jewish cultures its believe that after a persons’s death their spirit lingers around the body for three days, and that by the fourth day they are beyond dead!

    In the Garden Jesus prays three times he is deeply burdened, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here and watch with me.” (Matthew 26:38 ESV). Jesus has asked his disciples to go with him, he didn’t want to be alone and he wanted them to keep an eye out for his impending doom. However they were exhausted and just couldn’t seem to grasp what he has been telling them all along! They fell asleep each time, he prayed three times in a one hour period. He is the sinless, son of God and he is afraid, anxious, lonely, troubled, and he prays to finish well!

    Hold on, SUNDAY IS COMING!

    “Faith means believing in advance what only makes sense in reverse.” -Philip Yancey

    After four days, Lazarus has been buried and Mary and Martha get word that Jesus has come into the edge of town. Martha immediately goes to meet Jesus and she is deeply hurt and she almost accuses, “Lord if you had been here, my brother would have not died.” (John 11:21 ESV). Jesus tells her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” (John 11:25-26 ESV) It can be hard to trust in the goodness of God, when tragedy strikes! However, Martha confesses to Jesus that she believes he is the Messiah and still trusts him.

    Again Jesus shows his humanity he weeps when he gets to the tomb of Lazarus, this is his friend that has died and he loves all of them. He delayed his comfort for those long days, to reveal the Glory of GOD! That sorrowful night, he goes to the Garden, to pray before his crucifixion to submit himself to God’s WILL despite what it will cost him! Jesus can hardly contain himself at the grave of Lazarus, he is overcome with emotion but YET he still does the will of God! He asks the grave to be opened and yells for Lazarus to come out and this man is raised from the dead!

    My heart broke when I lost Shiloh, but the Lord just kept asking me to trust his plan. It was a hard but then an amazing thing happened I found out July of 2022, that I was pregnant again! It was literally three months later, I was pregnant again! Now, it’s 2025 and my beautiful daughter is here and just turned two years old!

    Thank you Jesus! I hope that I was able to inspire you to trust God’s plan for you too. Happy Reading!

    *Photos are derived from free libraries.

  • Hardy-Har-Har

    What makes you laugh?

    Me giggling

    I tend to go between being serious, melancholy, studious and chill and then at times I can be extremely silly, super smiley, playful, and a jokester. It really just depends on my mood, as to what makes me laugh. Some days I tend to be rather sarcastic. I may laugh at inappropriate times, when I am feeling sarcastic. My husband says I laugh at disabled people, but in my defense I don’t take light of their afflictions! It’s just I seem to be around when they may do an action with a particular expression and I loose my control. I laugh. There I said it.

    Laughter truly is a relief to the daily stress. I enjoy the funny videos on social media as well, the ones about family dynamics and relationships. I love to see how other people interact with each other, in various scenarios. I am a a people watcher. My older three children are teens, so I use those funny videos as a way to connect with them. It brings us together, all of us huddled over a phone laughing hysterically.

    In this particular photo, we were at Disney exploring the Star Wars portion. My husband was trying on a Storm Trooper mask, it had a voice changer and I found it ridiculous. My husband was seriously debating on buying it and I thought it was silly but hey, to each his own. My one year old daughter actually captured this photo accidentally and we thought it was a good one. Off guard photos are usually better, no awkward posing! I suppose my family makes me laugh the most! When you have five kids, there is a lot of moments for laughter.

    That’s me and my little photo taker before she could do much!

    That’s just who we are we laugh at each other, tease and make a lot of jokes. My daddy’s side of the family is very outspoken and we love to tell stories. We gather together and it’s extremely loud and chaotic, everyone is talking all at once. “We laugh to keep for crying” as my daddy always says. We make light of things because sometimes there is pain there. In my family, we often suppress our pain but when we gather and just laugh it makes it easier.

    Me and my thirteen year old, Jayce

    This kid makes me laugh, he is very funny by nature. He tells jokes and likes to be silly at all the wrong times. Jayce has a way of telling jokes, and cannot for the life of him suppress his laughter! He is the person that will giggle in a funeral. Do not sit next to him! I can be yelling at him about something and he will start laughing, it drives me insane. However he has made me laugh when I need it and made a hard day better. He is a sweet boy and I am so grateful to have him!

    Welp that’s my spill for today, I hope y’all are having a great day! If you aren’t remember that it’s just a season and it will pass! Happy Reading! Blessing to you all!

    All photos are mine.

    ShilohRose77©️