Shiloh Rose Archive

Have you ever felt like you were being drawn away from everything you thought you knew? Have you ever felt like life was changing into a completely new realm of possibilities?

Tonight I am full of energy that I cannot quite contain. It’s a restlessness that I am trying to bring into calm. I decided that I was far too restless to go to bed, scrolling only making it worse, and my mind going a mile a minute. Then as I sit down to write, I feel the familiar calm that comes from doing something that brings you peace and comfort. The energy moving from my legs to my hands as I click away on my typewriter. Ahh, my heartbeat slowing already!

What might you say brought on these feelings? Well I cannot quite speak on it at this moment. Oh how I want to but there are not words for what I feel just yet. I need time to process, and still with it for a while. I think of Mary in the Bible, when the angel of the Lord told her she would be the mother of the son of God. She had to ponder this information in her heart. It was too great for her to fathom it and the very nature of it went beyond human reasoning. Life can be full of twists and turns that do not make sense in the moment.

I am a believer of divine timing, divine connections and I love how God works in the details. This season of life has challenged everything that I thought I knew about life! We often think we know how things will be and we foolishly think we are in control of everything. My nature is to plan and prepare, but God often throws a plot twist out there for us! The woman I am becoming feels unfamiliar and yet deeply integrated with who I truly desire to be.

The fear of the unknown grips my heart, but I hear my name being called into that realm. I must answer because I know the call will only become louder if I try and ignore. There is a quiet anticipation in my heart. I feel the new life budding, it may not be the life that I had planned. I accept that God knows me well enough to lead me to what is best. The more I pray for God’s will to be done I am stepping into the unknown. I say yes, but my hands still tremble!

Lately I wake up early in the morning and I can literally feel the prayers of someone. I can feel a deep seated knowing that someone has been interceding on my behalf. I like to think that it is more than one person! Ask me how I know this, it just an unexplainable knowing. Of course I know that Jesus himself is praying for me always. It’s such a comforting feeling to wake up from because sometimes I awake from intense dreams. Prayer has always been apart of who I am but knowing others are thinking of you really is comforting.

Lately I have found myself repenting to God more than ever before! Our relationship has gone to a deeper, more intimate connection. I used to walk away from him in anger, fear, or frustration. When I am angry at him now, I still repent and stay close to him. I am finally learning to trust him deeper. My thoughts are torn at times but there is a greater knowing. I long to be in his presence, and I crave his touch. No one can get me like this and I cannot fathom a love so pure.

I am a hopeless romantic, which I am sure all writers are in some form. We create from a deep place of raw emotion and its like love translated into a tangible source of output. Last night I dreamed of trying to clean up water that flowed out of a box. I am carrying so many emotions, but I am growing too. My mind processing all these changes and working to transition. There is something inside that I can no longer contain.

Often in the life of a creative we can be blocked in our creativity when we are carrying too much. However creative people need to release. My heart has feelings that I cannot speak about. I must flow it into my creativity or I will explode! The flow cannot be hindered. So often I go on hiatus when it comes to writing because I cannot write under certain moods. Every writer needs a muse, a reason that compels them to keep creating. I love to share my faith and that is one of my main reasons.

These past couple of months grief, transition, and pain have been a storm within me. I am leaning heavily on community to get me through it. After so many years feeling stifled, I am finally free to flow into who I want to be. It’s a beautiful feeling to be seen and known. We all need those types of connection that brings us back when we feel that we have lost part of ourselves. I didn’t realize how much of my truest self that I had lost until I began to find her again. Now God has not called me to go back into my old life or ways, but the purest form of who he created me originally is what I am talking about.

There is a richness to this season despite the bitter betrayals and heartbreak. The true meaning of our capacity to love has nothing to do with reciprocity. I know I love deeply and passionately. I am a giver of my time, talent and treasure as God asks of me. When we finally learn to appreciate ourselves we begin to grow. I used to think that unrequited love was the worst thing that could happen to someone, but that kind of love is never wasted.

There are all types of love, not just romantic. We should never close ourselves off from loving others due to fear. Love is pure, and it creates space for our own grace and empathy to grow. I used to hate being so sensitive, that I would hide my true feelings often. Now I realize that it’s not a weakness. The depth that I love shows my ABBA, it’s the way he loves. So often we reject his love and run to everything and everyone else. His love is all consuming.

Today, I want to leave you with this encouragement: Do not build walls around yourself, but rather a fence that can be opened when the time is right. We protect our hearts but we do not close it off from love. Remain soft, gentle, and pliable in a world that teaches only to love yourself. God desires hearts that are open to receive and give love to a dying world. I guess you can say I am IN LOVE!

May God place my love in the right place that he has prepared!

Happy Reading & God bless!

All rights reserved. All photos are mine.

ShilohRose77©️