Sisters of Grace

ShilohRose77©️

When we are waiting for something to change or happen it seems like time actually goes slower or at times, maybe faster. Either way it’s our focus on the event that causes it to feel drawn out. The process of waiting can be hard, but we grow when we are tested. I just finished a wonderful book, it was about Martha from the Bible. Martha, is the sister of Lazarus and Mary. Lazarus has a miracle encounter with Jesus, who raises Lazarus from the dead! The book is “Up from Dust: Martha’s Story,” by Heather Kaufman. The Children of Israel have been waiting for 400 years for the appearance of their Messiah. Imagine the feelings they had as they waited.

This book is a fictionalized account of Martha’s back story, and her siblings lives. The story portrays how they met and befriended Jesus during his three years of ministry. There is a scene in the book, where Lazarus is dying and the sisters have sent word to Jesus. They have asked him to come, in hopes that he will heal their brother from his affliction. This story is in the Bible, in John 11. They have gotten to see and have heard about the miracles Jesus has performed.

Suddenly Lazarus dies, and Jesus has still not shown up to help them! They have been pacing the floor, in despair, anguish and hurt that their dear friend did not come. How could he not come? Why did he tarry? Can you imagine, sending a text and telling your good friend that your sibling is dying and they leave you on READ! No reply, no sight of them, I cannot imagine the feelings in their heart and mind! They KNEW Jesus personally, they knew he possessed great power to heal the sick, he could have healed Lazarus in a few moments.

The test had two pink lines! I couldn’t believe that I was pregnant, I was excited but I kind of knew because I was feeling off in my body. We immediately shared the good news with our family friends. Our happiness was short-lived we lost the baby exactly at 8 weeks pregnant, my hopes dashed. Like Martha and Mary I sent word to Jesus immediately! I was hurting deeply emotionally, I didn’t have any warning signs that I had lost the baby. I felt like my body had failed me.

I can imagine when Lazarus became ill that Mary and Martha had confidence that Jesus wouldn’t possibly let their brother die! That day as I left the ultrasound appointment I was asking Jesus what was going on? I said to myself it has to be a mistake! Jesus where are you? Please don’t let this happen! I spent twelve days wondering why my body still had not began the process of natural abortion. I prayed, the only glimmer of hope was that I dreamed of a voice that said, “The child will live.”

On April 29th, after the abortion medication would not work and my body had still not begun the process, I had to have the DNC surgery. The surgery went well, but I felt so conflicted. I was mourning a life I only knew existed for one month! I told people and had to tell them I lost the baby! My body had let me down! As I am trying to relay these feelings and share this story, I am rereading my journal during this time. They say grief comes in waves, I can agree. Jesus sat with me, he walked with me through it because it was heavy!

The weeks leading up to my miscarriage, I kept hearing sermons, references and synchronous messages about Jesus being acquainted with grief. In Matthew 26: Jesus is praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, he knows his time for death is imminent.

The weight of loss can be heavy before anything actually happens, you feel it on your shoulders. I felt an odd burden upon my heart, Jesus was preparing me for the grief to come. Martha and Mary knew with each passing day that Lazarus was going to die, they could feel the chill of death. Jesus waited four days after Lazarus had died before he shows up! During this hard time in my life, I felt many emotions: intense grief, anger, physical pain, loved, seen, comforted, and I even felt spirits around me as I slept! I found out I lost Shiloh on April 18th, and on April 22nd I felt spirits at my bedside, that’s four days. In some Jewish cultures its believe that after a persons’s death their spirit lingers around the body for three days, and that by the fourth day they are beyond dead!

In the Garden Jesus prays three times he is deeply burdened, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here and watch with me.” (Matthew 26:38 ESV). Jesus has asked his disciples to go with him, he didn’t want to be alone and he wanted them to keep an eye out for his impending doom. However they were exhausted and just couldn’t seem to grasp what he has been telling them all along! They fell asleep each time, he prayed three times in a one hour period. He is the sinless, son of God and he is afraid, anxious, lonely, troubled, and he prays to finish well!

“Faith means believing in advance what only makes sense in reverse.” -Philip Yancey

After four days, Lazarus has been buried and Mary and Martha get word that Jesus has come into the edge of town. Martha immediately goes to meet Jesus and she is deeply hurt and she almost accuses, “Lord if you had been here, my brother would have not died.” (John 11:21 ESV). Jesus tells her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” (John 11:25-26 ESV) It can be hard to trust in the goodness of God, when tragedy strikes! However, Martha confesses to Jesus that she believes he is the Messiah and still trusts him.

Again Jesus shows his humanity he weeps when he gets to the tomb of Lazarus, this is his friend that has died and he loves all of them. He delayed his comfort for those long days, to reveal the Glory of GOD! That sorrowful night, he goes to the Garden, to pray before his crucifixion to submit himself to God’s WILL despite what it will cost him! Jesus can hardly contain himself at the grave of Lazarus, he is overcome with emotion but YET he still does the will of God! He asks the grave to be opened and yells for Lazarus to come out and this man is raised from the dead!

My heart broke when I lost Shiloh, but the Lord just kept asking me to trust his plan. It was a hard but then an amazing thing happened I found out July of 2022, that I was pregnant again! It was literally three months later, I was pregnant again! Now, it’s 2025 and my beautiful daughter is here and just turned two years old!

Thank you Jesus! I hope that I was able to inspire you to trust God’s plan for you too. Happy Reading!

*Photos are derived from free libraries.